J O T D

[STEPPENWOLF]

I like to wear Wolf T shirts but those of us who do always draw attention to ourselves.



And then a well kept secret leaked out about Wolves..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPB45AUmchM

[planedick]

Canadian humor

A black comedian from Canada said:
"Yep, that's right... I MISS Bill Clinton!
He was the closest thing we ever got to having a REAL black man as President.
Number one, he played the sax.
Number two, he smoked weed.
Number three, he had his way with ugly white women.
Even now, look at him... his wife works, he doesn't; yet he gets a check from the government every month!

Supermarkets announced that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' presidents. (It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.)

And would you believe, Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line in honor of Bill Clinton? The Dodge Drafter will début soon; it's already in production at its Canadian plant.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had a foreign one!"

Clinton even revised the judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I've convinced myself it to be, the whole truth as I believe it should be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes."

[Rasputin]

Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard a rumor that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull. The largest of the three said,"Well, he ain't getting none of my cows." The medium bull said,"He ain't getting none of my cows." The little bull said,"Well, if he ain't getting any of yours, them he sure as hell ain't getting one of mine." Two days later, a semi pulls into the yard, and they unload the new bull. He's big and pissed from having been cooped up for the long journey. When the three bulls see him, the biggest bull says,"He can have my cows," the medium bull says,"He can have mine, too." The littlest bull, however, begins to paw the ground, snort and bellow, and basically carry on."What's with you?" the other two asked."I'm just showing him I ain't a cow!"

[Rasputin]

After a southern gent had been served in a Las Vegas
cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and
said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly,
luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece
uh ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever
had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room,
smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin'
and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't
we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat
down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will
there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure
'preciate what y'all just did fur me; it was real
sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in
Tennessee we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still
need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

[xs11jack]

Loveable Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his
poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X- rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made
it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.


On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained
of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be
killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health!

[bikerphil]

This guy with pics of his custom exhaust, LMAO.

http://www.ninja250forum.com/index.p...6&topic=3395.0

[Kronk]

... This guy is proof that reproduction NEEDS to be federally regulated... Rise up with me, and fight for the cause!! I almost joined this forum just so I could let him know he is a pylon... But creative!!

[Kit]

I weep for the future.

[latexeses]

I'm thinking that he thought if he flogged that dead horse long enough it would get up and run.
Another example of "owning a welder does not make you a welder".
If the goofball lived here we would say he lived in Galt. (A known white trash stronghold of the past).

No offense meant to any current white trash.....

That was just plain Oogly. (Ten times ugly)

[cywelchjr]

I'm thinking that he thought if he flogged that dead horse long enough it would get up and run.
Another example of "owning a welder does not make you a welder".
If the goofball lived here we would say he lived in Galt. (A known white trash stronghold of the past).

No offense meant to any current white trash.....

That was just plain Oogly. (Ten times ugly)

Of if just slightly more north we would say he lived in Rio Linda, which is just a couple of miles north of my house. Rush Limbaugh used to joke about the old cars up on blocks there, as he started his rise to fame from here. Trouble is, the jokes had more than a bit of truth to them.

[Rasputin]

Weeweechu

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

[Kronk]

If you give a woman food, she will give you a meal. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her a kiss, she will give you love. If you give her crap, she will unleash a world of sh!t to the likes of which you have never witnessed.

[Special Ed]

So-o-o-o-o true!

Oops, blew my message in the subject Bar: s-o-o-o-o TRUE!
Happy New Year!
Special Ed

[slow mo]

Jotd

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted: "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied: "now just rest and let the poison work."
__________________ride safe ,,slow mo!

[STEPPENWOLF]

biker rally

Four guys have been going to the same motorcycle rally for many years. Two days before the group is to leave,Bill's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Bill's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Bill sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said. 'guess Who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.