J O T D

[red bandit]

Mayberry

Every wonder why Mayberry was such a happy place? Everyone was single; Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Gomer, Goober, Sam, Earnest T Bass, the Darling Family, Helen, Thelma, and Clara.

Otis was the only one married, and he was always drunk....

[MaximPhil]

Why never to take your XS1100 to a mechanic.

Customer: My bike won't start.
Mechanic: S**t in the carburettor?
Customer: Well how often to I need to do that ?

[BA80]

Bikers attempt to save girl

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked . . . "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe . . .
why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . .
and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

[Rasputin]

This is what all of you 60+ year old's have to look forward to:

This is something that happened in an Aged Care Centre. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.



One morning, one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door. He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.



An hour later, he still hadn't arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.



She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.



A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

[IanDMacDonald]

LMFAOOO!! Good one Ras!