J O T D

[bikerphil]

A man received a message from his neighbor:


"Sorry sir, I am using your wife...I am using day and night ...I am using when you are not present at home....In fact I am using more than you are using..... I confess this because now I feel very much guilt... Hope You will accept my sincere apologies "

And the man shot his wife.......

Few minutes later he received another message :
"Sorry sir, spelling mistake ... wifi not wife."

[tcoop]

[Rasputin]

I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy."

I replied "Have you got a pen?"

She smiled and said "Yes."

I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."

[Rasputin]

Saskatchewan's Fire Insurance
A man and his wife moved back home to Saskatchewan, from Strathmore.
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Alberta was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Saskatchewan, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, "that'll be $39.00".
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Saskatchewan to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Alberta!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen,
it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it,
is $39.00.*'
I always did find Saskatchewan's logic far superior to most others.

[trbig]

The trampoline was originally called a jumpoline until they saw yo' mama jumpin' on it!

[Orange4]

But hardly anyone uses the front brakes....

Craigslist xs1100 humour... http://reno.craigslist.org/mcy/4357265220.html

[rdmcguy]

The first syptom of aids

Anyone know the first symptom of aids?
A severe pounding in your ass...

[Schming]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

[BA80]

A North Carolina State Trooper pulled a car over on US 301 about 2 miles south of the Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus in Topeka. He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way in hell I can pass that test.”

[BA80]

[jetmechmarty]

[crazy steve]

Photoshopped....

[Schming]

The Counseling Session



After 40 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.


The wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on, she went: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her, long and passionately, as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, *but on Fridays, I fish!"

[jetmechmarty]

copied from Craig's List

free 1yr old spider monkey, goat and vespa (grapevine)


© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
(google map) (yahoo map)

My partner and I are moving, we have a very well behaved 1 year old spider monkey. Very sweet very kind. He is considered family. He must go. We named him batier, when he gets a little excited or when we have guests over he does he does have a small masterbation problem. Vet says he will stop when he gets fixed. Also have a 3 year old goat and a vespa. Goat is very friendly. Great with kids. Vespa starts and runs good but could use some TLC. Highlight is out too. We are moving in one week. Please text me. No emails. Very busy packing. Please if you have a good home for this little masterbater please text me ASAP. Thanks 469 952 1562

[BA80]

free 1yr old spider monkey, goat and vespa (grapevine)


© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
(google map) (yahoo map)

My partner and I are moving, we have a very well behaved 1 year old spider monkey. Very sweet very kind. He is considered family. He must go. We named him batier, when he gets a little excited or when we have guests over he does he does have a small masterbation problem. Vet says he will stop when he gets fixed. Also have a 3 year old goat and a vespa. Goat is very friendly. Great with kids. Vespa starts and runs good but could use some TLC. Highlight is out too. We are moving in one week. Please text me. No emails. Very busy packing. Please if you have a good home for this little masterbater please text me ASAP. Thanks 469 952 1562

Ha ha ha..........Dallas area code. Don't mess with Texas, they'll be all over you like a spider monkey.