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The Texas quote of the day comes from old-time Texas humorist Boyce House:
"Texas occupies all of the North American continent except for the small part set aside for Canada, Mexico and the 47 less fortunate states.
Texans are so proud of their state that they can’t sleep at night and if you could examine the head of a Texan, you’d find a map of the Lone Star state printed thereon.
The chief pursuit of Texans used to be Indians. This was way back in the days when the state was so wild that not even the law of gravitation was obeyed. In fact, the Texas legislature had not enacted the law of gravitation at that time.
Texas owns the north bank of the Rio Grande, the only river in the world navigable for pedestrians.
Texas is so huge that if you used the northern line of the Panhandle for a hinge, you’d flop Brownsville so close to the Arctic Circle that the hot tamale peddlers could swap their wares with the Eskimos for polar bear steaks.
In fact, Texas is so titanic that it is bounded on the north by the Aurora Borealis, on the south by the invisible lines of the equinox, on the east by primeval chaos and on the west by the Judgment Day,
If all the bales of cotton produced in Texas in one season were made into a single stack, you’d have a stairway reaching to the pearly gates.
If all the hogs in Texas could be made into one hog, he could dig the Panama canal at a single root of his mighty snoot.
And if all the steers in Texas were made into one steer, he could stand with his front foot in the Gulf of Mexico, one hind leg in Lake Michigan and the other in Hudson’s bay and, with his tail, brush the Northern Lights out of the Alaskan skies. "
----- Boyce House, 1945, as reported by the Port Arthur News after Mr. House went to Port Arthur for a couple of speeches
"Texas occupies all of the North American continent except for the small part set aside for Canada, Mexico and the 47 less fortunate states.
Texans are so proud of their state that they can’t sleep at night and if you could examine the head of a Texan, you’d find a map of the Lone Star state printed thereon.
The chief pursuit of Texans used to be Indians. This was way back in the days when the state was so wild that not even the law of gravitation was obeyed. In fact, the Texas legislature had not enacted the law of gravitation at that time.
Texas owns the north bank of the Rio Grande, the only river in the world navigable for pedestrians.
Texas is so huge that if you used the northern line of the Panhandle for a hinge, you’d flop Brownsville so close to the Arctic Circle that the hot tamale peddlers could swap their wares with the Eskimos for polar bear steaks.
In fact, Texas is so titanic that it is bounded on the north by the Aurora Borealis, on the south by the invisible lines of the equinox, on the east by primeval chaos and on the west by the Judgment Day,
If all the bales of cotton produced in Texas in one season were made into a single stack, you’d have a stairway reaching to the pearly gates.
If all the hogs in Texas could be made into one hog, he could dig the Panama canal at a single root of his mighty snoot.
And if all the steers in Texas were made into one steer, he could stand with his front foot in the Gulf of Mexico, one hind leg in Lake Michigan and the other in Hudson’s bay and, with his tail, brush the Northern Lights out of the Alaskan skies. "
----- Boyce House, 1945, as reported by the Port Arthur News after Mr. House went to Port Arthur for a couple of speeches
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