J O T D

[BrianB]

That started it.......


Batman is sitting in a bar when Super Man walks in looking half beaten to a pulp, cape torn, uniform hanging in shreads, front teeth missing, black eye and walking with a bad limp.
Holy Smokes! exclaimed Bat Man, "what happened?"

Well, said Superman,"I was flying over Gotham City and what did I see below but Wonder Woman sun bathing on her back, in the buff on the roof of her apartment building." I swooped down to aaaa......take advantage of the situation.
"I'll bet she was surprised", said Bat Man.

"Yes, but not as much as the Invisible Man," said Superman.

[BrianB]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror
as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in
agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologize, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I
could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man
replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping
his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She
gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and
put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great .....but my thumb still hurts like
hell!"

[GNEPIG]

Ha ha ha lol, that is good!


I got yur cookies MRO

[GNEPIG]

An old biker ends up in a hospital bed with a mysterious ailment!

The bikers OL is having a discussion with the family physician.

He says " your husband has an extremely rare disease that can be cured by following my directions; you must not show anger towards him if he stays out late with his buds, you must bring him cold beer and snacks whenever he's watching the game, pretend not to notice sounds or smells when your husband belches or passes gas, prepare his favorite meals, be a willing partner whenever he has sexual desires, and support him whenever he needs a new part for his bike."

Later that day the old biker asks his OL " how do things look?"









OL "Doc says you're going to die."

[mro]

wimmin

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."


mro

[BrianB]

A successful gynecologist decides to fulfill his life's dream: give up medical practice and become a motorcycle mechanic.
So he gets out of the medical business and enrolls at a mechanic's seminar with Harley Davidson.
After many weeks of training comes the final examination, taking apart and then re-assembling a randomly chosen Harley engine.
He grabs his tools and sets to work, but soon he gets worried: while he is still working on the valve-covers, everybody else is already busy with removing the cylinder heads.
He falls more and more behind, and as he is just starting to put it all back together, everybody else is already finished.
He manages to put the engine back together, barely in time before the exam ends.
Because it took him so much longer than everybody else, he goes straight to the teacher to ask how he performed.
"Well," the teacher says, "out of one hundred possible points you scored 150." "But how is that possible?" the ex-gynecologist asks.
"Well, it breaks down to this: You get fifty points for correctly taking the engine apart. And you get another fifty points for putting it back together perfectly." "And what did I get those additional fifty points for?"
"For doing it all through the exhaust."

[prometheus578]

What a coincidence..."

A gynecologist decides to fulfill his life's dream and become a motorcycle mechanic.

After the shop closed down, I've been having sort of the same dream, only reversed.
Though... I'd probably never pass the Gynecological School exams.

I'd keep wantin' to fix 'em, and then test ride 'em.

[prometheus578]

"GNEPIG does the cooking this year."

Cheryl is not impressed...

[GNEPIG]

Hahahaha......you guys are freakin good! That's too funny. That's the way we cook em here!

[GNEPIG]

Medical Condition

Medical Condition

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading.


A few minutes later, the woman, smiling, sneezed again, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.


A few more minutes passed, when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took out a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.


Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shudder ed violently. Are you okay?"


"Oh, I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."


The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"


The woman nodded and replied, "Yes, Black pepper"

[Luv Cookie]

Why am I married?

Hi! My name is Cheryl I sit behind gnepig and read all this stuff all the time so I thought I would join and play too. I have a joke to share.

Prom - I would be amused if he cooked something!! Heating up leftovers doesn't count either!


WHY AM I MARRIED?


You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.'

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

[mro]

COME OVER TO THE DARK SIDE
...... we have Luv cookies....


mro
btw, I'm afraid of the dark

[fredintoon]

I have omitted the names in this tale because John & Kat would deny it anyway.

A man gets up really early to ride 200 miles to a bike rally, leaving his wife still asleep. He goes down to his attached garage, checks out his XS11, fuel tank full,
tire pressures good, oil level good, all lights & signals working, ready to roll. Then he puts on has riding gear and rolls up the garage door. And it's lashing down with rain, blowing a gale and perhaps two degrees above freezing. "Eff this for a game of cowboys" he thinks "I'm going back to bed." So he closes the garage door, puts the XS11 back on it's stand, takes off his gear, goes upstairs, gets undressed, gets into bed, snuggles up to his wife and whispers in her ear, "Hi sweetheart, it's really vile weather out there."
"Yes," she murmurs "and my stupid husband is out there riding his bike in it."

[GNEPIG]

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

[planedick]

Claude

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the assembly room was packed because none other than The Amazing Claude, the world's greatest hypnotist, was heading the evening's entertainment. The lights dimmed, the spotlight lit the stage as The Amazing Claude came out. "I'm here to put you into a trance," said the Amazing Claude. "I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as The Amazing Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations," said The Amazing Claude, and then began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch..."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.

"SH*T!" said The Amazing Claude ... . . . . .

... It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.