J O T D

[BrianB]

Now that is funny!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[planedick]

Sticks

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'


The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

[Wildkat]

It's the simple things...

AMAZINGLY

SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.


2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.


3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.


4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.


5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.


6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.


7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.


DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[tmworks]

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY
Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[fredintoon]

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

Hi Wildkat,
thing is, I'm mostly the one who cleans the sink. What I do is put the seat AND THE LID down after use. That way, regardless of their anatomical arrangements, everyone has to lift something in order to use the facility.

[BrianB]

That way, regardless of their anatomical arrangements, everyone has to lift something in order to use the facility.

Not if they use the Sink!

[randy]

Why can't women have a little courtesy and leave the seat UP for us?

[Wildkat]

Originally posted by randy
Why can't women have a little courtesy and leave the seat UP for us?

Because if guys forget to put the seat up... you just get yelled at... If we forget to put the seat down... we get a wet butt and you STILL get yelled at... even more...


Your choice...

[randy]

I want my own bathroom. Maybe I should put it in the garage, then all I'd need is a cot and my life would be complete.

[randy]

O My God...

I'm becoming Al Bundy!!

[psycoreefer]

now a can of worms has been opened...

I've never understood why if I pick the seat up she can't put it down.

And the argument that you'll get a wet butt is weak... really how hard is it to glance at the bowl and see the seat up?

I've been taking dumps my whole life and I've never once sat down into the bowl because the seat was "up".. the trick is to look before you sit!

[Bigfoot]

It is just an excuse for something to bitch and moan about. If you take away this with logic, it will just be something else and that may be worse.

[Wildkat]

Just a joke, guys

It really isn't a big deal (to some of us)... just reminds us (some of us) that we haven't cleaned under the rim in awhile... 'cause you know... it gets kind of... well... ewwwwwww...

Sorry if I hit an open wound with salt... back to the originally scheduled JOTD thread...

[trbig]

It sounds sorta like...

When you're walking by the bed and mash that little piggy toe good. You know.... when you try your best to cram it out the back of your heel?
Well... you just apparently stepped on that sore toe.... with those spike heeled leather boots you have! (Oh yeah... you know the ones I'm talkin' 'bout )

OOps... I mean... Happy Anniversary you two! lol

OK..... Now we have 4 things you can't talk about. Politics, religion, abortion.. and.. drum roll please.... TOILET SEATS!!


Tod

[Incubus]

Why can't we talk about drum rolls? I like drum rolls.....

Patrick