J O T D

[STEPPENWOLF]

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...toryId=1138054



Computer love.......a bit long but I like to travel by Amtrak.

[BrianB]

Can I get my CLICK back?

[BrianB]

The Mix Up.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.

Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year !

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

[BrianB]

Peanut Problem

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat .

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "According to the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"

[hamjam]

Subject: Best Scottish Short Joke

A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on Suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

[STEPPENWOLF]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...76117304287501

[BrianB]

Would this bike even be legal? Looks tough to ride.

[Da-Bubble]

A man is sitting in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous red head sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies, “you just happened to catch my eye”.

[JWSanders]

Originally posted by BrianB
Would this bike even be legal? Looks tough to ride.

Ok, that's just plain crazy. Jungle gyms belong in the schoolyard!

[Da-Bubble]

Originally posted by BrianB
Would this bike even be legal? Looks tough to ride.

He looks like Willie Coyote right before he wraps around a tree!

[jetmechmarty]

Would this bike even be legal? Looks tough to ride.

It would certainly not be legal in Georgia. Handlebars may not exceed 20 inches above seat height. It doesn't mean he wouldn't get away with it.

[SiP]

It's a Harley, who cares how high the bars are - he should still be shot!

[mro]

Christmas Canceled?

Heard thru the XS grapevine.
Prom sent his annual letter to Santa and said he'd been good this past year.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa died laughing.


mro

[prometheus578]

"And you wonder why I turned out as I did?"

One Christmas season, long ago....my parents asked,
"Little Prom... whaddya want for Christmas?"
I said...
"I wanna watch."
So they let me.


(That's how I got my little brother, I figger)

[BrianB]

Sure your name is not Little Johnny?