J O T D

[Stralya]

Afghanistan TV guide:

SUNDAY
0800 - My 33 Sons
0830 - Osama Knows Best
0900- I Dream Of Mohammed
0930 - Let's Mecca Deal
1000 - The Kabul Hillbillies

MONDAY
0800 - Husseinfeld
0830 - Mad About Everything
0930 - Monday Night Stoning
1000 - Win Bin Laden's Money
1030 - Allah McBeal

TUESDAY
0800 - Wheel Of Poverty
0830 - The Price Is Right If Osama Says It's Right
0900 - Children are Forbidden From Saying the Darndest Things
0930 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
1000 - Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

WEDNESDAY
0800 - Fatima Loves Chachi
0830 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
0900 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
0930 - Married With 139 Children
1000 - Eye For An Eye Witness News

THURSDAY
0800 - Beat The Press
0830 - Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pita Bread
0900 - Just Shoot Everyone
0930 - Veilwatch

FRIDAY
0800 - Judge Bin Laden
0830 - Suddenly Sanctions
0900 - Who Wants To Marry a Terrorist Millionaire?
0930 - Better Caves and Gardens
1000 - No Witness News

SATURDAY
0800 - Spongebob Squareturban
0830 - Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
0900 - Teletalibans

[Rasputin]

The Scottish Biker

An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Scottish and I am a Biker,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape.

I'm up well before daylight and out riding up and down the highways.

I have a wee glass of whisky, and all is well.'

'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it.

How old was your Dad when he died?'

'Who said my Dad's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer. 'In fact he rode wi' me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that's why he's still alive. He's Scottish and he's a biker, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's dad? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my grandad's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went riding with you this morning too?'

'No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married?? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'

[Ken Talbot]

Carpentry terms

Lesbian plywood...



.

[trbig]

If it was lesbian plywood... wouldn't BOTH pieces look like the one on the right??



Tod

[Ken Talbot]

Nope. I don't think you've "got it" yet!

[Rasputin]

That would be tongue and groove plywood if I aint mistaken

[DGXSER]

hint hint hint

Tod,

Whats another name for that type of "joint"??

[Ken Talbot]

That would be tongue and groove plywood if I aint mistaken

Bingo! Give that man a ceegar... No wait, that's a whole 'nuther joke..

[Wildkat]

You do realize...

that it's not just for lesbians?

[Varnae]

How do you know if a lesbian built your house?

There are no studs, it's all tongue-in-groove, it was built in Beaver Creek but they put it up "lickety split"...

[DJinNH]

My 21 yr old son who's in the Marine Corps got me bad yesterday...hook, line and sinker. He called acting all nervous saying he didn't know how to tell me but he had gotten a gal he hardly knew pregnant. He dragged it out for about 10 mins letting me struggle through my attempts at being a supportive dad.

Finally and mercifully...."Dad, what's today's date?"

"You freaking %$#^&*% ! " !

Who the heck came up with this April Fools crap anyway???

Don

[fredintoon]

Not really a joke but - - -

The following is the winning entry in an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term:



This year's term was "Political Correctness".



The winner wrote:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional,illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end"

[red bandit]

Since my birthday is in April, that makes me an April fool!

[BigDick]

Only vaguely relevant, my son turned 8 yesterday.

[Stralya]

equally vague but...

My son turns 22 today. What a gift it would have been to have been born on the 1st