J O T D

[jetmechmarty]

How to make your bike go faster

http://youtu.be/noCWtagaDJQ

[James England]

Basic torque wrenches being so expensive Yep, I'm going to trust my life to that kind of wrench and use it for all my brake system banjos. Then, on the next engine strip, I'll use it on the con rod bolts, bearing caps and so on. I'm absolutely happy to risk a £1,000 engine in order to save $20........ Actually, I'm hoping he posts a video next that shows how to make conrods from wood....

[DiverRay]

I like the fact that the bolts are all checked with a counter clockwise motion!! Correct for the road???? But the torque wrench "works".....

[trbig]

OK, watching a few of them and they're frikkin hilarious. The home made torque wrench is pretty awesome.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdVR6T0cxXg

[jetmechmarty]

"... I'll just use a coffee filter and some "Assembly tape"..." lol.

That kit pretty much destroys that carb for any other decent pod filter in the future.

If you watch any of the Ichiban Moto videos, they're all a joke. When he's making his brat seat, he allegedly grabs a leather coat from his wife's closet to make a cover. The destruction of that leather jacket is...

[trbig]

How To tune motorcycle carburetors using jetting kit for café racer motorcycle Filter Pods

I find watching Ichiban Moto's Youtube channel more entertaining than watching TV!

"... I'll just use a coffee filter and some "Assembly tape"..." lol.

That kit pretty much destroys that carb for any other decent pod filter in the future.

[jetmechmarty]

How to successfully run those cheap Emgo pods

How To tune motorcycle carburetors using jetting kit for café racer motorcycle Filter Pods

I find watching Ichiban Moto's Youtube channel more entertaining than watching TV!

[trbig]

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen
by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in
the exam room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was,
and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down
and go relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where
the younger doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter
with you!? Mrs' terry is 63 years old, she has two grown children
and several grandchildren and you told her she's pregnant?"

The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard without looking
up and said, "Does she still have those hickups?"

[LoHo]

During World War II, a U-boat captain was captured in a joint US/Royal Navy operation off the coast of Africa. A sea plane was sent to take the prisoner and two guards to a base in southern Africa. The plane encountered trouble and had to ditch. The pilot died in the crash, but the captain and his two guards managed to float to an island. When they washed ashore, they were seized by blood-thirsty savages, bound with ropes, dragged to a village, and thrown in a hut.

After a while, a huge native with bones in his nose and ears and scarred tattoos all over his body entered the tent. The trio knew they were done for.

"Welcome, gentlemen, to my island!" the native boomed out in perfect English. "I am Moruku, the king of of my people. I was educated in India in a British school, and I admire the advancements of European culture, but as the leader of my people, I am bound to follow our customs. As captive alien warriors on our island, custom dictates that you be tortured, skinned alive, and that your skins be used to cover our war canoes. However, as king, I can allow you to take your own lives and then turn your bodies over to the skinners. What do you want to do?"

The three looked at each other for a few moments, then the German said, "Bring me my Walther and one bullet." The gun was fetched, loaded, and handed to the captain. "Sieg heil!" he shouted, then shot himself.

The Brit said, "Bring me my Webley and one bullet." It was done, and he murmured "God save the King," and shot himself.

The American Marine grumbled, "Bring me my KaBar!" The king was impressed with the show of bravery and had the knife fetched. The Marine stood up, took off his shirt, yelled "F**k your canoes!" and stabbed himself all over his body.

[trbig]

I'm terrible at remembering jokes, but for some reason, this one has stuck in my memory "blank" from bygone years.

A man came to visit some family members from the south. He was excited to visit, because he loved homemade biscuits and this woman made some of the best he'd ever tasted. The problem was that their son, Little Johnny, (Of course.. everyone's son in these stories is named Johnny, and he's never large in stature..) loved those biscuits also.

The first morning at breakfast, the man and Johnny were sitting at the table as breakfast was being set out. Evil Johnny looked at the man, and with a big, wet, sloppy lick to his incredibly dirty hand, Johnny then slaps the top of every single biscuit saying, "Mine mine, mine!" then looks at him and smiles.

This happened the next couple mornings. Finally, on the last day, again Johnny again sloppily claimed every biscuit and said, "Mine, mine, mine!" but this time, the man licks his own hand and slaps every biscuit and says, "Yours, yours, yours!"

[BA80]

I used to know how to post a video here but I forgot.......... http://youtu.be/OOgd9hitEAE

[Gmac]

Prayer before dinner

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

[Gmac]

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well, however,
the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it,
he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look
at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of
adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily... if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon, from the nurse in the Ford Explorer you pulled over last week."

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

[jwhughes3]

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

[Schming]

Are You Democrat, Republican, or Southerner?

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities,
raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:


Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
This is all so confusing!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......... ..
Republican's Answer:

BANG!


............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!