J O T D

[trbig]

[BA80]

Click below.....

http://www.onlyinyourstate.com/oklahoma/memes-about-ok/

[tomcos67]

Never thought about it till now.!!! LOL.!!🎅

[crazy steve]

Happy Mayberry....

Every wonder why Mayberry was such a happy place? Everyone was single; Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Gomer, Goober, Sam, Earnest T Bass, the Darling Family, Helen, Thelma, and Clara.

Otis was the only one married, and he was always drunk....

[Gmac]

Funny Aircraft Story

One of my more accomplished friends is a member of a forum where this appeared. He sent it to me for a laugh.

Bomber For Sale


A B1 bomber was in here ( Billings , MT ) doing practice approaches and touch and go's. On one of the landings the pilot sets his brakes on fire. He taxis in, and the airport parks him on a taxiway and then puts cones around him until parts and mechanics can be brought in from Ellsworth AFB, Rapid City SD,the next day.

The next day is a Saturday, which doesn't have much going on, so we get to laughing in the tower that maybe somebody should hang a For Sale sign on the plane. We convince one of our guys who's well known for doing things like this that it would be a good idea.

So he takes off for the hardware store to buy a For Sale sign. On the way back he stops at a car dealer and gets one of those "As is/No Warranty" signs that hang in all used cars. On that sign was written something like low miles, new engines, needs brakes and tires. Those signs were taped together, and off goes our hero.

He climbs over the fence, leaving some skin on the barbed wire, and makes his way the 1000 feet or so to the aircraft. As he's doing that, we see a couple of airport vehicles starting to gather with the recently arrived mechanics as well as the plane's crew. Not looking good for our intrepid airplane salesman. He gets to the nose wheel and tapes the sign to the nose strut. Then he starts to make his way back from the plane as the vehicles start to head out from the shop on the way to the bomber. Somehow he makes it without being seen.

The vehicles arrive at the plane, and of course notice the sign right away. The Air Force guys are in stitches, funniest thing they've seen in a long time. Airport guys are not sure what to think. Airport management is livid as they've been tasked with security. Pretty soon a camera appears and all the Air Force guys are taking pictures of each other by the sign.

Our hero is back in the tower now, and notices the bomber's commander is talking on a cell phone. Our guy gets on the radio to the airport truck and asks for that guy's phone number. As soon as he finishes that call, our guy calls the aircraft commander. When he answers, our guy says "I'm calling about the plane you have for sale." Aircraft commander about falls over from the laughter. It just so happened that the chief photographer for our local newspaper is a pilot and he may have been called prior to the sign being placed. He was told to get up here with a big lens. Here's one of the pics he got:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3415/...fa96d641_o.jpg



An article showed on the front page of the Sunday paper. When that came out, the Colonel running Ellsworth called the airport director and read him the riot act, wondering what kind of dog and pony show he was running up there. We were later informed by the crew that the sign was framed and is now permanently mounted inside the aircraft. Hard to have that kind of fun anymore.

[trbig]

[Rasputin]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana
split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

[BA80]

Nevada............

[dbeardslee]

One day at the old folks home

A randy old woman at the old folks home dressed up one morning in nothing but her bath robe, and headed to the men's wing.

She kicked open the first door she came to, stepped in, threw open her robe and yelled "SUPER P#$%Y!"

She continued down the hallway, kicked in the next door, stepped in, threw open her robe and yelled "SUPER P#$%Y!"

And she continued that way all the way down the hall until she got to the last room, the occupant of which had a bit of dementia. She kicked in the door, stepped in, threw open her robe and yelled "SUPER P#$%Y!"

The old man in the room hesitated for a moment, and then in a shaky voice said, "I think I'll have the soup."

[je2wheeler]

Round-up the round up.

The farmer had 196 cows but when he rounded them up he had 200.

[tomcos67]

j.o.t.d.

Thanks for the laughs.

[Old Red]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.





















"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing ," replied the drunk.

[je2wheeler]

Military Protocol

A former WWII U.S. Navy Seaman was introduced to a former WWII U.S. Navy Captain. The seaman saluted the Captain and called out “LST 437,” which was the designation and number of the ship he served on during WWII. The Captain returned the salute and called out “LMD 54.”
“What’s an LMD?” asked the seaman.
“Large mahogany desk.”

[jwhughes3]

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

John

[jwhughes3]

... A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,

"What you gonna do with that?! There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."

His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees
the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand .

He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If
I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"


John