J O T D

[jetmechmarty]

You forgot the I D 10 T forms!

[Toolmaker Tim]

Recepitionist

Well hamjam, let's just say she had a busy social life and didn't leave much to the imagination. Didn't ever bring the "social life" to work, but she managed to keep a dozen moldmakers on there toes. Wasn't afraid to "stir the pot"

[barberad]

You forgot the I D 10 T forms!

As a new E nothing (actually E1) in the navy, I had this one played on me. I was sent to just about every shop on the flightline including the Marine Wing. They had a great time with this and then sent me to the senior enlisted Marine (whom they told me to refer to as "Top" Master Sargeant.)
Note: Never call a Master Gunnery Sergeant a "Top." This guy come unglued and asked me if he looked like he spun around on his head After he got done chewing me out, he gave me a piece of paper and a pen and told me to write down "ID 10 T". After he had me put them all together, boy did I feel like an Idiot.
That was about three hours of fun

[jetmechmarty]

Yep, I learned the ID10T prank in the Marine Corps. Thankfully, it wasn't played on me.

[Rasputin]

Try saying this out loud and fast

I am sofa king we todd did.

[CatatonicBug]

Try saying this out loud and fast

I am sofa king we todd did.

I think that's left over from Jr. High school...

[bikerphil]

one liners

1. What's the best cure for AIDS?

Leave your friends behind.

2. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's limo?

Neither has he.

[trbig]

"I think that's left over from Jr. High school... "


If you don't like a joke.. that's fine.. But please don't come on here and rag on people who are only trying to make others laugh.

Thanks.

Tod

[barberad]

I want to live my next life backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So then, you go to high school, play sports, date, drink, and party.

As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities.

In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally...You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

[Yahman]

I want to live my next life backwards!

Sounds good... Me too!

Larry

[barberad]

Happy Turkey Day!!!

It's got alcohol and guns...so it must be good!!!

Happy Turkey Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.southbank-design.co.uk/turkeyshoot/index.htm

[chrisso]

Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 6:40 am Post subject: Fifty dollars is fifty dollars

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really didnt giggle much on this one but if it makes one person giggle for the day then I am happy



Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot put the craft through all kinds of maneuvers, but not a word was heard. Up, down, back and forth, even sideways, he did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

[barberad]

Subject: FW: A letter from your boss

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned

myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our next President, and

that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.


To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have

to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8% but since we cannot

increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we

will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really

been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I

didn't know how to choose who will have to go.



So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8

Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these

folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair

way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to

them.


If you have a better idea, let me know.

[oseaghdha]

Anniversary

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room. 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years'?'
'I remember that, too' she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... 'I would have gotten out today.'

[Jerry]

Obama's Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

Stunning Break with Last Eight Years

In the first two weeks since the election, President-elect Barack Obama has
broken with a tradition established over the past eight years through his
controversial use of complete sentences, political observers say.

Millions of Americans who watched Mr. Obama's appearance on CBS' "Sixty
Minutes" on Sunday witnessed the president-elect's unorthodox verbal tick,
which had Mr. Obama employing grammatically correct sentences virtually
every time he opened his mouth.

But Mr. Obama's decision to use complete sentences in his public
pronouncements carries with it certain risks, since after the last eight
years many Americans may find his odd speaking style jarring.

According to presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of
Minnesota, some Americans might find it "alienating" to have a President who
speaks English as if it were his first language.

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement,"
says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

The historian said that if Mr. Obama insists on using complete sentences in
his speeches, the public may find itself saying, "Okay, subject, predicate,
subject predicate - we get it, stop showing off."

The President-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has
already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah
Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that
ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do
there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are
needing also," she said.