What's your craziest roadkill fix?

[olinrj]

About 10 years ago my wife (then girlfriend ) and I were helping her dad take a load of stuff down to his new home in Tennessee and I borrowed a flat trailer from work. I didn't pull many things with my truck but had a hitch. Went to the store and bought a 2" ball. After loading the trailer we were getting ready to hook up to the truck when we realized the shaft on the ball was way smaller than the hole in the hitch. This was about 9:30 at night and we planned on leaving at around 1 am to avoid major traffic through Chicago. Instead of trying to find a parts store open we took short length of bronze stock and bent it around the shaft to take up the space. We made it 12 hours down and back with no issues. I promptly bought the correct size ball for the next time.

[webbcraft2150]

While not road related, here's one. Beautiful day on the lake in New Mexico. One of its infamous thunder storms looms on the horizon. These often times are not little storms. Heavy rain, lightning and wind. Wind could easily generate 8-10ft swells and having lightning blasting around on open water is unnerving. No problem me and buddies thought. We have about 45 minutes to make it the 12 miles back to camp. Were cruising back with no issues. My steering started to feel weird. The boat starts drifting to the right. I turn the wheel to correct and all of a sudden it takes a hard right turn, not good at 45mph. Chop the throttle to check things out. Steering wheel action has no effect turning the outdrive. The steering arm had stripped out the splines where it connected to the outdrive. Storm is moving in faster now. We try a tow, not fast enough to outrun the approaching storm. Now what. I run two ropes from the outdrive thru the ski eyes on each side of the boat. I had my buddy sit on the floor with one rope in each hand. Throttle up a bit and had him pull ropes back and forth to see if he could steer, works pretty good. Throttle up to get the boat on plane (about 20mph), rope steering still ok. Throttle up some more to 30-35mph. Still working ok with no undo strain on his hands. We make the last 10 miles with me telling him to turn left or right to keep things on course. Hit camp with about 5 minutes to spare before the mini hurricane hit.

[dbeardslee]

I'll tell one about a non-fix. Years ago I had a Bonneville station wagon (handed down from dad) and I was headed to downtown Cincinnati to see a customer. That car had the biggest ash tray of any vehicle I've ever seen, and I always had it loaded to the top with butts.

I was headed down I71 when the car started vibrating really bad - the car was shaking like hell, and cigarette butts were jumping all over the place. If I slowed down to 25 mph the vibration pretty much stopped, so I got off the highway and did the rest of the trip on the little roads.

I got it back to the store, but when I got in it to go home as soon as I put it in reverse the drive shaft fell out in the parking lot. Seems one of the u-joints wasn't happy with my maintenance schedule.

So what's the moral of the story? If you ever have a u-joint go out on the road but the car is still driveable, head for someplace you can fix it, go slow, and don't put it in reverse!

[FM-USA]

Some of these are pretty good.
I have a few, no where good as any here.

My little bro called and said his Toyota electric fuel pump
bit the dust, he knew it was going by it's sound.
Gave me directions, I said I'll be there in 15-20 minutes.

So I'm lashing down a 5 gallon fuel can on his roof and covered it with a
large towel. Ran a fuel line to his carb and said in my best red-neck voice,
"Thar ya go".

Kicker was, he continued to & from work like that for almost a week, tho
he said he made the gas can cover look like a roof carrier.
PFFFT, no redneck pride.

[dbeardslee]

Some of these are pretty good.
I have a few, no where good as any here.

My little bro called and said his Toyota electric fuel pump
bit the dust, he knew it was going by it's sound.
Gave me directions, I said I'll be there in 15-20 minutes.

So I'm lashing down a 5 gallon fuel can on his roof and covered it with a
large towel. Ran a fuel line to his carb and said in my best red-neck voice,
"Thar ya go".

Kicker was, he continued to & from work like that for almost a week, tho
he said he made the gas can cover look like a roof carrier.
PFFFT, no redneck pride.

Gravity feed at it's finest! LOL

[Radioguylogs]

In high school, I took out a date in Mom & Dad's 1965 Oldsmobile F85.

I parked in a corn field so we could get out and do some more serious necking.

When it came time to leave, I discovered I had locked the keys in the car!!

How would I explain this???

Used the dipstick to break into the car. Whew, I really sweated that.

[dbeardslee]

In high school, I took out a date in Mom & Dad's 1965 Oldsmobile F85.

I parked in a corn field so we could get out and do some more serious necking.

When it came time to leave, I discovered I had locked the keys in the car!!

How would I explain this???

Used the dipstick to break into the car. Whew, I really sweated that.

'65 F85 - what a great car! And what a great idea. Too bad you can't open the hood on new cars from the outside. But I'm still going to file this trick for future reference... JIC

[rdmcguy]

But I made it !

On a move from Colorado to south Florida back in the day , I had an old tired Econoline that used a tremendous amount of oil, In order to not stop all the time I turned the filler spout into the passenger area where I could easily pour it in as needed,so every third cigarette I dumped one in .Along the way I heard a thumping noise , stopped and discovered rear diff was glowing cherry red , lots of grinding sounds too , limped down the road and was lucky enough to find wrecking yard , pulled one from the yard and put into my van. Fast forward to 700 miles down the road ,Little rock Arkansas , LOUD banging from rear end ...Stop , get out and discover axle about 6 inches outboard of fender , oil pouring out , fire breaks out, no water or extinguisher so had to pee on it to extinguish,replace axle bearing , of course brake shoes completely gone , ...no problem , cut brake line smash it flat clamp with vice grips and continue on to Ft. Lauderdale ,Btw only used 70 quarts of oil in 2000. miles

[ViperRon]

Back in the 80's I did service on computer systems for large banks and repairs at nights long distances was common. One morning I came out from the bank and 8 inches of snow on the ground packed up quick put the chains on my Maverick and took off the 70 some miles as fast as I could go. At times pushing snow. Well in the middle of no where the fan belt finally heated up enough and pop it was gone and the snow is still coming down. Its in the 20's and likely hood of any other idiot on the road is slim to none. So using duct tape measured out a belt and kept wrapping and folding together layers got it working. I watched the temp gauge and when it started getting hot I'd jump out and punch the packed snow out. I made it home to find 18 inches of snow at 10:00AM the next morning.
todays duct tape I do not believe is as good.

[dbeardslee]

Back in the 80's I did service on computer systems for large banks and repairs at nights long distances was common. One morning I came out from the bank and 8 inches of snow on the ground packed up quick put the chains on my Maverick and took off the 70 some miles as fast as I could go. At times pushing snow. Well in the middle of no where the fan belt finally heated up enough and pop it was gone and the snow is still coming down. Its in the 20's and likely hood of any other idiot on the road is slim to none. So using duct tape measured out a belt and kept wrapping and folding together layers got it working. I watched the temp gauge and when it started getting hot I'd jump out and punch the packed snow out. I made it home to find 18 inches of snow at 10:00AM the next morning.
todays duct tape I do not believe is as good.

I always call it duct tape too, but the real name is duck tape. It was developed by the military to seal ammo cans for waterproofing, hence the name duck tape. Waterproof like a duck's butt. It's got a shelf life too, although I'm not sure what happens when it expires. But it is the handyman's secret weapon, and after reading this post I'm thinkin' I should probably throw a roll in the jeep.

[3Phase]

... and after reading this post I'm thinkin' I should probably throw a roll in the jeep.

So you can tape the Jeep to the curb if the e-brake cable quits working?

[dbeardslee]

So you can tape the Jeep to the curb if the e-brake cable quits working?

That e-cable fix ain't comin' loose. Hasn't budged a bit since I did it. I was thinking more along the line of radiator and heater hoses, and a million-and-a-half other things you can do with duck tape.

[ViperRon]

Duck tape is waterproof, duct tape was more air proof the old stuff was super stick glue with fiber weave and a silver backed coating the modern stuff is like a silver metallic coating that is not so flexible, way more expensive and shinny. Duck tape is grey and sticky but you can peal it off the old fiber duct tape once it stuck it would come apart before it became unstuck. Now water after a time would make the old duct tape come loose but still left a near permanent mess. Duck tape has a little stretch I do not remember the duct tape stretching but high break strength.

So yes it would hold that Jeep when the e-brake cable fix breaks now the duck tape will probably stretch and break its fall.

[FM-USA]

I keep a 1/2 roll of DucK Tape on the bike IN a plastic zip-baggie so the glue don't dry out. I finally found a color that's near the bikes color of Beige.

DucT Tape of old rarely dried out even when installed on heating vents. I agree it did not stretch.

DucK Tape of modern times dries out rather quick (few years). The stretch it has makes it weak and what's worse, the glue will not hold when stretched. To make it like the GOOD old tape, I add a layer of Filament tape under the DucK Tape to get that strength of old back. And in a pinch I have used fiberglass wall mesh tape under DucK Tape.

The things we HandyMen have to do to survive.

.

[ERM83]

I've got a couple of stories (one is actually kind of...morbid, and a bummer)

not necessarily a "roadkill" story, but thought i'd share...

i had a pretty good tax return this year, surprisingly. i bartend, so if i get more than 500 on one, i'm PSYCHED. got my return, and paycheck in the same week...RIGHT ON! i hadn't had a bike since 2010 (1979 cx500), and was FIENDING to get back on two wheels. i wake up to my buddy (bike MASTER, all makes) blowing me up. running 79sf, 32,000 on the clock, $600. i called the guy, and IMMEDIATELY got a uhaul trailer. i get it back home, and RIP THE THING around my neighborhood. second day, it's running like crap...smoking harshly out of the left side. blown valve stem seals...DAMN. the head/valve buckets did not like each other...head was screwed. i felt so defeated. right before that happened, i had found an 80SG, also for $600...scooped it up right away, as my brother was about to move here....was going to fix it up for him. it sat in a garage for 15 years....two weeks of nonstop slaving away (INCLUDING REBUILDING THE SOLENOID FROM THE SF, FOR GOD'S SAKE), and that thing fired RIGHT up...that's my current ride (dottie). if you look at my post history, i've gone through HELL with the SF. there were about 3 times where i worked on it from 10pm, to 5pm the next day, then worked both of my bartending jobs...mind you, the bars here close at 4am, and we usually don't get done cleaning until 6am. i'm obsessed with my bikes as peewee herman was with his, hence my bikes having peewee-themed names, haha. my literal blood and sweat are on the engines of both...no joke.

second story (warning...this one is kind of a bummer/sad):

two weeks ago, i was FINALLY going to change my coil wires...i was having problems with cylinder 1, so i figured i'd just change them all. i'd already changed the number 1 coil (accel wires) a couple of weeks ago, and stopped at the pep boys a mile and a half away to get some things. got some things, went to check the wire...THE CRIMP CAME OFF, AND WAS SCREWED. i just held the wire in my hand, and said "are YOU....#@$%*&^...KIDDING ME...", then went BACK in to get some crimps. i FINALLY got it going around dusk, luckily...still ran like crap. limped her home; talked to my roommate for a bit. he was stressed out about some of his record label (small one that he owned) stuff, so i went back out to properly fix it. by the way, those crimps that are with the accel kit SUCK, so any advice on that would be appreciated, haha. anyway, my brother comes home (3rd roommate), and helps me hold flashlights, keeps me company, etc. had to cut MORE wire, so now i need to get a two cylinder wire kit to be able to finish it... live and learn. we get done, and go back upstairs to the condo. i get my gear ready, because i wanted to go to the store anyway, and test the bike out. i'm in the kitchen pouring a glass of water, and ask our roommate (the owner of the condo, and my best friend, other than my brother) "hey man, i'm hittin' the store...need anything?" mind you, my roommate had a MULTITUDE of health problems...born with a small heart, diabetes, blood pressure problems, he was on dialysis, etc. he just responded "oh my god..." "what's up, man?? you okay??" "i just tried to stand up, and...i'm really dizzy..." after about two minutes, we asked if we should call an ambulance. sure enough, yep...he had a friggin' stroke right there. we hauled ass trying to help the emt's get him downstairs (he was kind of a big boy), and waited. sure enough, the damage was too severe. in his will request, if anything like that ever happened and he couldn't function, he wanted to "have the plug pulled". sunday, september 25th, i rode to see him for the last time. the jacket that i ALWAYS wear riding is the one he gave me. i was in the room for ten minutes, and had to get out of there. point of all of this is this interaction, which happened a LOT while working on my bikes:

"DUDE...ARE YOU GOING TO EVER SLEEP?! Like, we're worried about you. you work on that thing more than i've seen you hang out with...well, whatever girl you're hanging out with now. *laughs*" (side note: he's seen my dating history, haha...unfortunately it's kind of extensive)

"NOT UNTIL IT RUNS...AND FOR THE RECORD, THAT BIKE IS THE GIRL I'M HANGING OUT WITH, YA DICK." (both of us crack up)

i don't know why i just told you guys all of that.

however, the wire is working perfectly, and he'd be PSYCHED to not have to hear me bitch about it, haha. keep your loved ones close, everyone.