Redneck Fixes

[Lucien Harpress]

After one day too many of having to fix something wrong with my motorcycle using.... "non-stock" parts, I figured I'd post something here in order to accomplish two things.

- Rant about various impov fixes I've had to do in the year I've owned my bike.

- See if any of you guys had similar stories.

So here's what I got. One day, stopped in a parking lot, the whole bike dies. Turns out, the negative battery cable snapped. Thankfully, thanks to the way the battery was set up, I was able to jam the end of the wire into the terminal and get home.

My right front blinker is held in place with J-B Weld.

When it comes to exhaust problems, I've learned hose clamps are your friend. Had it break off once, and used a hose clamp to keep it in (sorta) one piece. Just today the rear (jerry-rigged by PO) exhaust bracket broke, so right now my right muffler is held on by (guess what!) a hose clamp.

Any more stories of "non-standard" fixes?

[prometheus578]

Quick on the road remedy

Hose clamp and baling wire to hold in loose cam chain tensioner plug.

[natemoen]

Hose clamp and baling wire to hold in loose cam chain tensioner plug.

You just need to get a new one of those!

[prometheus578]

It's what we used to call in the army a "field expedient" repair.
Was done at a rest area somewhere in Utah many years ago.

[crazy steve]

I prefer the term 'farmer fix'... Not quite as negative a connotation.

'78E original owner

[fredintoon]

I prefer the term 'farmer fix'... Not quite as negative a connotation.
'78E original owner

Hi Steve,
you don't know many farmers, eh?
The farmers I know sit in air conditioned comfort listening to satellite radio as they operate their hi-tech GPS-guided farm machinery.
"Redneck fix" is itself a euphemism for "N****r fix" which no one is allowed to say these days.

[b.walker5]

Hey Lucien, your "Redneck Fixes" are our daily way of life. I've got lots of examples and as soon as I take some pics I'll post a few, in the meantim here's something from Wikipedia that embodies our "fix it with anything" mentality.

The kiwi male

The stereotypical New Zealand male is essentially a pioneer type: he is rural, unintellectual, strong, unemotional, democratic, has little time for high culture, good with animals (particularly horses) and machines, and is able to turn his hand to nearly anything. This type of man is often assumed to be a unique product of New Zealand's colonial period but he shares many similarities with the stereotypical American frontiersman and Australian bushman. New Zealand men are supposed to still have many of these qualities, even though most New Zealanders have lived in urban areas since the late nineteenth century. This has not prevented New Zealanders seeing themselves (and being seen) as essentially country people and good at the tasks which country life requires.[19] The stereotypical Kiwi male is assumed to be a heterosexual of Anglo-Celtic origin, although Māori men are often seen as embodying many of the characteristics described above.

The kiwi male is said to have unique qualities which have become national stereotypes in their own right:

Kiwi ingenuity: This is the idea that New Zealanders display a MacGyver-like ability to solve any problem, often using unconventional means or whatever happens to be lying around. This is also described as the Number 8 wire mentality, which holds that anything can be made or fixed with basic or everyday materials, such as number 8 fencing wire. New Zealanders seen as embodying this quality include Burt Munro (subject of The World's Fastest Indian) and Richard Pearse, who some believe achieved flight before the Wright Brothers. Kiwi ingenuity is also linked to the phrase "she'll be right, mate" (shared with Australia), which expresses the belief that the situation, repairs, or whatever has been done is adequate or sufficient for what is needed. It is seen less positively than Kiwi ingenuity, especially if something goes wrong. Kiwi ingenuity is not strictly a male preserve, although it is generally spoken of in relation to men.

The hard man: New Zealand men have often been stereotyped as strong, unemotional and prone to violence.[20] For many years this was seen as a good thing, and was best embodied by All Black Colin Meads. Voted 'New Zealand player of the century' by New Zealand Rugby Monthly magazine, Meads was the second All Black to be sent off the field, and once played a match with a broken arm. Although he was known to assault other players during games, this was generally approved of as 'enforcement' of the 'spirit of the game'.[21] He was also a supporter of sporting contact with apartheid South Africa. In recent decades the macho attitude has been criticised as dangerous both to men who embody it and those around them. It has been blamed for New Zealand's culture of heavy drinking and its high male suicide rate.[22] However it still has its supporters, with some commentators claiming that the All Blacks do not have enough 'mongrel'.

Rugby, Racing and Beer: New Zealand male culture was traditionally said to centre on the 'three Rs': Rugby (union), (Horse) Racing and beeR. Rugby union has long been popular as both a spectator and a participant sport, with the national rugby team (the All Blacks) considered national heroes. Horse racing has always been more popular as a focus of gambling than for any other reason; as in most countries, horse racing in New Zealand is too expensive for anyone other than the wealthy and their employees (such as professional jockeys and support staff) to fully participate in. In addition, for many years horse racing was one of the few things which could be legally bet on. Beer is New Zealand's most popular alcoholic drink.

Few people consider the Three Rs to dominate New Zealand culture today, although rugby and beer are still very popular. Race betting has declined in popularity, partly due to the legalisation of other forms of sports betting in the 1990s, although cup races still attract considerable attention. National level rugby continues to be very popular as a spectator sport, although not to the same extent as in the mid twentieth century. Spectatorship at club and some regional levels has also dropped since that time, mostly due to television and the increasing number of international and semi-international (ie the Super 14) matches. There has been some concern in recent years that parents are reluctant to let their sons play rugby for fear of injury, however it has been estimated that 14% of 5 to 17 year olds regularly play. Beer continues to be a popular drink, although it is losing ground to wine and 'RTDs' (ready to drink spirit and mixers).

[crazy steve]

Hi Steve, you don't know many farmers, eh?
The farmers I know sit in air conditioned comfort listening to satellite radio as they operate their hi-tech GPS-guided farm machinery...

There's not many of those on this side of my state; you'll find them on the east side. This side? Some of the scariest stuff I ever saw as an electrician was service calls to farms. They didn't call until it was totally FUBARed either...

Best one? That would have to be the guy who tried to update his milking barn on his own. He screwed up the grounding; he brought the first batch of ten cows in for milking, when he turned on another piece of gear it put about 90v across the cows teats. Needless to say, they didn't care much that! One dropped dead, and the other ones didn't do themselves, the milking equipment, or the barn much good in their haste to get out.

Jeez, what mess; cow crap on everything....

'78E original owner

[natemoen]

Hi Steve,
you don't know many farmers, eh?
The farmers I know sit in air conditioned comfort listening to satellite radio as they operate their hi-tech GPS-guided farm machinery.
"Redneck fix" is itself a euphemism for "N****r fix" which no one is allowed to say these days.

That is true but farmers are very ingenious. I grew up on a farm and know what its like. Yeah the whole GPS guided equipment is true BUT you need to know how to fix things with what you have at the moment. If your equipment breaks and your in the middle of the field thats 120 miles from the farm and you drive the tractor there at a top speed of 30mph your only option is to figure out how to get the thing going with whats in that little dinky tool box that they put on the side of the tractor. Sometimes you come up with some crazy things!

[Lucien Harpress]

Funny we should mention farmers....

My dad (farm boy from a ways back, tractor mechanic now) has a Farmall H, which we still use regularly to plow the driveway in the winter. The only red on it is the inside of the hood- the rest is what I would call "rust". It goes about 20 mph faster than it should, because he might have shaved the governor down a bit.....

Oh yeah, and it's got a car horn, too.

[XSive Okie]

The PC way of saying it around here is "southern engineering". My uncle, a wheat and cattle farmer, used to have a Honda CB400 with no rear tire (rim only) hooked to a pump with a wide belt to fill his cattle tank with water. I think it was a '77 or '78 model, and had an automatic trans.

[Larrym]

Kluged...

CCT plug leak fixed OTR in Arizona:



JB weld and a copper plumbing end cap bought at Ace Hardware. My responsibility for the whole "departure" from standard parts and practices. Still in service and unpainted....

Broken float post:



Just came to me that-a-way. Carb and carb bank dedicated as parts only. Not in service.

The PO's OEM fuse box modification:



Closer look shows wrong length automotive glass fuse just barely making contact:



I dunno...The electrons don't seem to mind.



The first XS I owned was a real gold mine for Kluges and "departures" from standard practices as done by the PO. One day I hope to see it again and I'll have my camera ready. Real "eye-candy"...

[CatatonicBug]

Well, when I went down to MOTM this last Spring, the weld where my muffler attaches to the collector broke through. While I was there, the guys fashioned a beer can and a couple of pipe clamps into a makeshift "splint" to make it so I didn't sound like a hardley on the way home. Unfortunately, the thin aluminum wasn't strong enough and it shredded about 200 miles into the trip home. It was a nice try though!

[natemoen]

Well, when I went down to MOTM this last Spring, the weld where my muffler attaches to the collector broke through. While I was there, the guys fashioned a beer can and a couple of pipe clamps into a makeshift "splint" to make it so I didn't sound like a hardley on the way home. Unfortunately, the thin aluminum wasn't strong enough and it shredded about 200 miles into the trip home. It was a nice try though!

Drink another beer and use the can to replace it!

[TopCatGr58]

Shortly after getting out of the Navy, had a job some 35 miles one way from home. I was inexperienced with my throttle lock, misgauged the traffic pattern just before a hill, crested the highway hill to encounter big traffic jam, tried panic stopping, didn't "remember" to throw off the throttle lock, ended up locking up the front tire that crossed up and threw me and the bike down at ~45mph! When bike fell down, it broke the #1 plug in half. Just cosmetic damage otherwise...along with nice road rash on me! Found a piece of old fanbelt cord and was able to tie the remainder of the plug still in the cap down to the rest of the plug. Bike fired up and I was able to make it the remaining 30 miles home! On real road trips I now have saddle bags full of tools and spare parts, tape, wires, zip ties, etc.!

Back in 2003 or so, I went on a rally in northern Georgia, late fall....Oct. 15th or so, and winter came a bit early, we had ~30 degree temps in the morning and for several hours....think it got up to ~70 degree midday! My riding gloves were not WINTER gloves, and I was freezing my hands on the rides. So...I went to Walmart and got a set of long johns as well as sweat pants/shirt, and then used the cardboard inserts along with my duct tape to fashion some duckhands for my handlebars/grips!



T.C.