Single? Thinking Marriage?

[prometheus578]

A quick thought, but not a quickie!"

I've read the postings... and have read the site mentioned and all it's links. Nothing new, there.
Poking my head out off my shell once again and cautiously surveying the dating scene, I stand by my old utterance...
"For every available divorced woman out there, somewhere there's a guy that just got tired of putting up with her sh!t."
Me, of limited time and even less patience, tried one of those dating service things five years back. (A nice way to pre-select... saves time)
Now, don't get me wrong. I met several nice women, charming creatures, really. I never pursued after the first or second date... something was just missing, I felt.
Oh, one, she was ok... but I started to sense a familiar female pattern as mentioned on that site.
"Kurt... how much money do you make? Why don't you buy a new truck? What's with the doll heads in the backyard?"
One actually started whining that , due to a technicality, she wasn't able to steal half her ex's military retirement check. (Remember how Fred Flintstone's legs used to spin in a blurring circle when he was running away from something? Mine did the same thing with her!)
No, I think I'll crawl back under my rock for another five years before I think about dating Womanus Americus again.
I think of a friend of mine, married a Columbian. Pleasent woman, not overly bright(but neither is he). Yet, she wakes him up, breakfast already made, puts a towel in the dryer while he's in the shower so it's nice and warm for him... I could go on...
There's something to be said for that.
It's called gratitude, I suppose.
Not the usual American leech...
She gladly reciprocates when someone is willing to work for the rest of his life to feed, clothe, shelter and protect her.
Ya know... with my retirement check and my skill at repairing Vespa's... I could move to Bosnia, find a nice, slim Slavic woman and live like a king for $80 a month! (I would need a garage for the bikes, though, and my gun collection... for those damned Albanians)
Hey! and with all those mass graves over there... my yard might even come with it's own heads, and I wouldn't need to bring my doll collection?
Man... there's a thought!
I must look into this.

[UncleSpot]

...'starting my 2nd divorce... I now know I always seeked the 'wrong' kind of woman; ie, nothing like what I really want but 'enjoyed the challenge of trying to "change" them into the "right" woman... what the hell was I thinking?!? at least now I know what ***I*** did wrong - there was nothing wrong with these 2 ladies except we were really not "compatable"
A relationship is "work" - you always need open communications, and compromise. ...otherwise it won't work out.

Since I'm 53 yrs old I don't think there's too much chance of me doing the "marriage-thang" for the 3rd time... better to focus on riding my XS11 and listening to as much music as possible before I "check out".

[Wildkat]

A voice of reason!!

Thank you UncleSpot... I think you hit the nail on the head...
Communication, acceptance and a LOT of hard work...

John and I are both on our second marriage... consider the first one a trial run, I guess... My ex and I are still on speaking terms... and I still think a lot of him and he of me... We just didn't click... He is now on his third marriage and they get along great and I love his wife and think they are perfect for each other but it's taken a lot of hard work for them as well.

John and I have been together 16 years... It's not perfect... never will be... but wouldn't that make it boring? What we do have is VERY good...
I enjoy getting up with him at 4:30 and bringing him coffee in bed... some mornings he reciprocates... I don't expect him to do yardwork, housework or take out the trash... I am currently a stay at home Mom and I appreciate that privilege so try to do my best to show him... sometimes we get busy and probably aren't as attentive as we should be toward one another... but we both know how the other feels... and it's all good.

If you view marriage as a jail sentence... don't get married... It's that simple...
Some people just aren't cut out for it... but it's for each individual to decide...
(Foreign women... raised in societies that view women as objects rather than as humans... Yeah... I can see where that would be appealing to some...
)

[prometheus578]

Marraige is an agreement over sharing resources, nothing more.
Oh, there's more, but that is what it boils down to.
My wife never had to work... it was my responsibilty to make it so. I will feed, clothe and shelter you, as is my job, and you will run the house and make it a home, as is your job, or something like that.
I won't get into the whole biology thing, spreading genes far and wide, and the other needing protection while she cares for her genetic offspring.
It's what happens to the resources when the system fails, which is tragic.
I got the house, as I provided it. I kept my retirement, as I earned it. These resources I would need, as a male, should I care to find a mate again.
she got all her things, stuff inherently her's, and anything else that she wanted...nothing more. she doesn't need anything else.
Should she desire to mate again... she has can use her greatest asset(a$$) and get another mate who will then use his resources to feed, shelter and protect her.
This is the cycle of life as we know it.
It would have been wrong, (and suicidal) for her to try to take MY assets with her and then share them with her new husband.
(he's not a bad sort... A loser, though, and she's driving him into the poor house.)

[mro]

'enjoyed the challenge of trying to "change" them into the "right" woman...

Change???
If one "changes" to accommodate another (attitude, demeanor, what ever... etc..) and it's not what they really want to do, will lead to nothing but trouble down the road.

Cracks me up watching guys trying to impress a gal with there BS, when all they really need to do is get the gal to do the talking. ( There’s a danger in that approach tho, genetic defect in some women , once they start they never shut up) Single guys our age need to be careful, women are the ultimate predators..........

Was married once upon a time,
and now that my kids are grown would agin should I get lucky and find that special someone, especially if she's getting half of
P roms check ever month


mro

[81xsproject]

I was poor when I got married and poor when I got divorced. There wasn't much to squable over. I let her have all the nice funiture we had purchased and I kept the used truck we had puchased. Even as a fairly young man, I have a lot of back problems (scoliosis, degenerative disk disease, and an L4 and 5 that have fused together). So, the one thing that really still burns my @$$ about my divorce was she fought be tooth and nail for our nearly brand new $2k sleep number bed. In the end I got tired of fighting and gave it to her. only to find out recently that it now sits IN HER GUEST BEDROOM!! B!+c#!!!!!!! I have to stop now or I am going to blow a gasket.

[mraaaaaaaaaa]

This is the reason that Iam rebuilding My recently acquired 78 11e.
3 Xs married, 40 years riding

Decission= WIND IN MY FACE LOL

2DAY= 1ST TEST RIDE


LOVE THIS SITE, TC ALL, & KEEP THE RUBBER DOWN

WELL, AT LEAST THE BACK RUBBER DOWN, LOL, LTR !!!

[mro]

Geezer ???

Wonder what's up.

Pre-marital bliss?
Second thoughts?


mro

[prometheus578]

I as always, look at the practicalities.
Obviously, there is a difference between dating and marriage, but this is only in terms of time and finance. And it falls upon the male, the responsibility does.
He is expected to provide. Period. Been that way for millenia.
Females reproduce and care for. Females of all species seek the best genes and the most wealth in order to find someone to care for and protect them and their offspring. That is what they have to do. A basic understanding of mating behavior confirms this.
Males date for sex, is this not so? And females date for the best provider, is this not also correct?
I should be out trying to nail anything from eight to eighty. Females seldom notice the poor, underpaid motorcycle mechanic, seeking instead the wealthy doctor or lawyer. Different needs, different goals.
We now have a society that takes this to the extreme.
Out are the days where I would stand by the mouth of the cave wielding a club to ward off predators for her protection... In are the days where spindley geeks like Bill Gates must use a club to fight off females looking for the protection his money can buy.

Not saying that the female's duties around the house are menial, as they're not, but the male's position is the more stressful. Not only must he provided on a daily basis, but must work to ensure he can provided in the future, not only for the family, but also for himself should things go a wry.
So, he has double duty.
Now don't get me wrong... but let's play with this a little...

The male is a producer, the female is a consumer. Yes, the female is putting in a share in this as well, but of a different kind, as you can see.
The male works so he can afford a female and her children.(but they're his too!, you cry) Nope.. females exist for nothing more than to produce children. That is what they're designed for, isn't it?
And when they're not producing children, they use the same equipment to keep the male around till such time as they can produce more.
Organizisms (and orgasms) have certain roles to fulfill.
The male provides for the nest, the female squirts 'em out to fill it. You'd be hard pressed to find many mammals different.
The male keeps the female around for the comfort that she gives, and if she comforts well, he'll stay around instead of searching for more females, which is what he's actually supposed to do. The female stays around for the support and protection the male gives, but is always looking for one that can support her and the offspring better. Is this not so? A delicate dance this is.
Now, a good male wants a stabile environment , now and for the future. He has invested a lot of effort over the years to make this so, and hates seeing resources squandered, putting the future in doubt. (such as frivolous spending.) The female, on the other hand, always searching for a more prosperous mate(for reasons of her survival), and likes to push the male to be more prosperous.
(or will seek another one that is)
(I want a new TV, I want new furniture, I want a new car..., while the male sees the funds and resources that he makes, and tries to save for future family emergencies slowly disappear.)
Like my reference to "do you want a new SUV, or do you want to eat this month)
My ex has now had her new truck, new SUV, new this and that... is still working 3 jobs, and they don't have a pot to piss in(her new hubbie's ex-wife sucked him dry.). I, on the other hand, without a female around to suck me dry(Boy, I miss that!) live an extravagant and wealthy lifestyle (made possable by my nightly diet of frozen pizzas and ramon noodles), saving my funds for a trip to Estonia to purchase a foriegn wife.
Males think long term... females are impulsive. One can see this in any mall.
Someone didn't understand my veto of a new truck, new furniture, new this and that... I looked at paying off the mortgage in three years, and then we'd BOTH live on easy street and BOTH get the truck, and TV, and bedroom set, etc.
Females can, and will, flitter between whichever male can provide the most.
Now, in our present society, females have the strangle-hold. The male is screwed. Not only is he pressured daily to provide for her ever consuming consumerism... but if she leaves, she will take all, and contuinue to take, to provided for herself. The male cannot get out of this trap. He works for the immediate provisioning, and must work under the threat of great loss and the continuing provisioning of her after she's gone with nothing in return. This is commonly called divorce in most states, extortion in others.
The female then moves on, taking the male's last resources, leaving him unable to successly find a new mate. She then goes in search of greener pastures to graze in,(now looking quite OPRAH-esque), seeking a new mate that will give her attention and resources to play with.
Is this not standard mammalian behavior?
Isn't this basic programming?
As for current society....?
Oh, I can still remember this fine example of legal female justice....
After sitting down and working out the details of an equitable "Do it Yourself Divorce"... just to later have a female judge turn to my soon to be Ex and ask...
"Donna, how come you're not taking the house... why aren't you asking for 'spousal maintenance'... why aren't you demanding child support... why aren't you getting half his retirement check?"

Maybe my wife was being fair... maybe she was being practical, maybe she just plain feared for her life.

should I get lucky and find that special someone, especially if she's getting half of Prom's check every month

Sorry, MRO... she got nothing, and continues to have nothing.

[mraaaaaaaaaa]

I concur,


Life is GREAT;

please continue,

to MODERATE !!!


ltr, 11:17 A.M.

STARTIN DA SCOOT !!!!!

[Wildkat]

Hmmmmmm... where to begin?

laughing? no... but close...

Males date for sex, is this not so? And females date for the best provider, is this not also correct?

According to my experiences... NO!!
I dated purely for sex... just so happened that the best one in that category happened to be a decent provider as well... and a brilliant mind to boot... coincidence? Yep... but VERY lucky me...

Females seldom notice the poor, underpaid motorcycle mechanic, seeking instead the wealthy doctor or lawyer.

Au contraire mon frere... since I first noticed that boys were good for more than making fun of... I had a fondness for the smell of oil and garages... always knew I would end up with a mechanic... The high moneymaker types never interested me... still don't... mechanics are good with their hands too... TMI... sorry...

Out are the days where I would stand by the mouth of the cave wielding a club to ward off predators for her protection...

Are we really certain of this?

Not saying that the female's duties around the house are menial, as they're not, but the male's position is the more stressful.

That is PURELY perspective... nobody knows exactly how much stress someone else has... another man in a situation compared to that of yours my have far less stress while still another... far more...

The male keeps the female around for the comfort that she gives, and if she comforts well, he'll stay around instead of searching for more females, which is what he's actually supposed to do. The female stays around for the support and protection the male gives, but is always looking for one that can support her and the offspring better. Is this not so? A delicate dance this is.

All I can say here is...
Nope... better not.. but I did find it rather amusing... misguided... misdirected...
When John had his accident and it looked like he might not be able to work again... the farthest thing from my mind was finding someone who would be able to provide for OUR children... The first thing that came to mind was... "I had better get out and find a job!"
Oh my poor Dear prometheus... life has been unkind to leave such negative connotations of the female gender in your poor, bulbous and needing a resounding thwack upside of it, head...

I will say though. that I do NOT think that alimony is a fair deal... If a woman has been totally dependent on a man... then maybe a certain length of time for it... but the BS about paying until she remarries or dies... WRONG WRONG WRONG. (have you heard of the current case of the woman who got a sex change and her ex-husband feels that he should no longer pay alimony? This was his case... he was supposed to pay it until she remarried or died... WTF??? Get off your butt and get a frikkin job woman! I mean... wo-man...) The laws are extremely biased when it comes to most women... I will certainly agree with that point and I have seen a lot who take advantage of it... but we're not all bad... and I'll admit that a lot of guys aren't either... but I've met more turkeys than I have eagles...

[trbig]

I agree with Kat (For once.) Not every guy is out looking for sex. Sometimes you find just what you need in a woman, and she's happy to help you out in any way she can...



Of course... it does appear that he's just about to back-hand her because she won't quiet down and let him concentrate on driving! Not even a backseat and she's trying to drive from it! lol..

You didn't REALLY think I was going to be serious did you?!?

Tod

[Wildkat]

See? Another use for women...

Ballast...


I've already admitted to my faulty wiring where my mouth is concerned... After 16 years... John has learned to tune me out... I always let him know when he needs to tune back in for the important stuff...
You know... there is a reason my theme song is "Ramble On"... It isn't just because I like Zeppelin...

[e.z.nightrider]

I guess I don't understand the mindset of divorce. I've been blessed to have been maried for 28 years this coming May. Her folks and my folks both over 60 years and still going. However we both have brothers on their second marrige, so I do understand that it take two to tango and if one wants out there's nothing the other can do but say bye and let the other go. Both brothers have remarried. Mine after being married for 23 years, then divorced for seven got remarred at 59. The people who study these things say that every marriage go through a period five unhappy years and that if you make it through that yours will go the distance. I don't know about that, all I know is that we survided that time by the skin of our teeth and are now happier than we've ever been and our brothers didn't. We went in to our marrage with the feeling that divorce was not an option, we still feel that way. Now don't get me wrong there are times when you have to split, they are just not as common as the divorce rate would have you think.

Ed Z.

[Pat Kelly]

OMG!!!! What if I haven't made it to those 5 years yet!!!! This is already a one-sided (hers of course) living hell.