A little enlightenment into the mind of a woman...

[Wildkat]

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE, PMS or POST PARTUM DEPRESSION does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

[DiverRay]

OK, put down the gun and back away SLOOWLY.
I once worked with a woman who was like that! We could all tell when to just quickly walk away, while we could still walk.
Ray

[tommystinson]

Wildkat, I love your sense of humor! When a (female) friend from work was rehashing the "Men won't stop for directions" routine, I decided to counter: I suppose that's almost as bad as women driving around a parking lot for an hour trying to find the closest space to the store! LOL

[oseaghdha]

John
Phone home, man!

[Czekus21]

I was going to reply but decided I'd better just keep the mouth shut and BACK AWAY. Not gonna touch it.

[webbcraft2150]

I put the seat back down in my house, does that count for anything?

Do I dare ask why some women (all of them in my house) think the dryer is a place to store clothes?

I have stopped and asked directions twice, but it was dark and I don't think anyone saw me do it.


John, check her 'scripts. I think she ran out! Or take her out on the bike and let her "blow the carbon out". Nothin better than a 7k run down the freeway to settle ones nerves.

[Wildkat]

A friend sent it to me...

and I just about died laughing. It's SO true... poor John.

Do I dare ask why some women (all of them in my house) think the dryer is a place to store clothes?

You mean... it's NOT?

I put the seat back down in my house, does that count for anything?

Why yes... yes it does indeed. I am certain that the women in your household are very happy with that fact and while they may not always acknowledge your chivalry, they will certainly acknowledge when it isn't done.

I suppose that's almost as bad as women driving around a parking lot for an hour trying to find the closest space to the store!

This... I don't do... my happy spot is next to the cart return.


I do, however, have a friend who once told me she was late to work because she had been pulled over by a policeman. When I inquired as to why... she said it was due to her erratic driving while merging onto the freeway. "I was driving just fine." She told me... and then continued, "I dropped my mascara brush while I was talking on the phone and then spilled my coffee, but I was in control of the car the whole time."

[MAXIMAN]

KAT the rant ROCKED!!! I was rotflmao.

You might be the gal I read about in the paper recently?

Three thugs entered a convenience store and held it up. One thug took the female cashier to the back to rifle the cash. While she submitted and retrieved cash for the theif he smacked her hard on the head with the butt of his pistol.

It didn't knock her out as he planned. As a matter of fact it pissed her off so much she wrestled the gun away from the maggot and shot him....DEAD!

The other two perps fled the scene when she emerged from the back gun in hand. True story...with a happy ending...

It's bad enough when a woman kix UR a$$...but when it happens and you are armed?

[prometheus578]

"My God, that amazing mind, again."

my happy spot is next to the cart return

That is just so perfect... so logical...
Seat up... seat down... No, in my house, the LID goes down. everyone is then happy, except the dogs.
Yeah, but WildKat... as you're so logically functional, why do you have the VCR/DVD over by the TV? Shouldn't it be next to the couch so you don't have to walk across the room to feed it?

[Wildkat]

Never mess with a woman

Well... not in the bad way...


MAXIMAN... I heard a similar story a couple (few?) weeks ago regarding a nurse who had come home to find an armed man in her house... after wrestling the weapon from him... she strangled him to death and called the police. Turns out the guy was a hitman hired by her ex-husband.... who is now in jail... again.

why do you have the VCR/DVD over by the TV? Shouldn't it be next to the couch so you don't have to walk across the room to feed it?

Isn't that what kids are for?


Logically functional? Me?

[Pat Kelly]

In the ongoing battle of the toilet seat war, men never win.
If we leave it up we get in trouble (at least I didn't pee on the seat).
If we lower it back down we get accused of never having raised it.
Why can't women just look before they sit down? Don't they check for toilet paper first???
I still have four kids at home, I can blame everything on them (that gives me 12 years to straighten-up).

[trbig]

I always tell SWMBO... it takes alot more effort to pull the lid up... than it does for her just to flip it down and let gravity help. One wife in a house with one husband and 2 boys.... she doesn't stand a chance!
Every once in a great while, I hear some hot tempered cuss words eminating from the bathroom from a light-less early morning excursion ... making it very apparent that that cute warm butt simply DETESTS cold Porcelain.... and any contact with water at that point turns her into a sailor... at least the cussing part! Of course, then you lay there and try to disguise the snickering.... thankfull for the dark!!


Tod

[mro]

[

they will certainly acknowledge when it isn't done.

Seems to be a fact of life,
100 good deeds/jobs are forgoten upon the first screw up.


mro

[Wildkat]

Potty mouth

Okay... the toilet seat question...
(Prometheus... you are excused as your dogs seem to have things well in paw...)

While I understand that it is easier for us to put it down than it is to raise it... it just looks better when it is down (cleaner too)IMHO.... and no... warm flesh, cold porcelain and toilet water were never meant to be together...
~shudder~

[trbig]

Yeah... but think of all the really good times I would have missed! lol

Goin' for hubby of the year award... can ya tell?

SWMBO read that last post of mine and for some reason didn't think it was NEARLY as funny as I did. Women..... no sense of humor! Well... she has to have a little bit... she married me! I think it was a dare, and now it's too late to back out.


Tod