Guru, Shmuru - Dumbass award

[Toolmaker Tim]

Fire? What's on fire?

Funniest thing I ever heard was done by my ex-boss. He was changing the muffler on his Mustang and couldn't get it apart. His Dad crawled under with a cutting head on his torch with the words" I'll show you how to get the exhaust off the easy way!" Needless to say the car caught fire and they had to push it off the jackstands and out the door to save the barn! Said all that was left was metal by the time the fire department got there.

[blue giant]

Originally posted by randy
Arrogant Bastard! Yeah, weren't they great?

No, not really!

But I remember you enjoyed a few of 'em.

[BrianB]

When I was young I always heard my Father refer to "Boiling the Carb" to do a proper cleaning. So at age 12, I was feeling my honda needed the carb cleaned. So I took the carb off, tore it down, threw all the parts in one of my moms cooking pots, filled with water, and waited for a boil. (Parents were gone). Well it got to boiling real good and at that moment my parents arrived home and were in shock by how bad the house smelled of gas and seeing what I was doing. When my dad asked WTF I was doing, I smiled and replied, "boiling the carb dad." Needless to say I was in big trouble. The Carb still worked by the way but sure was White.

Another time I was on my bike and had gotten it real muddy. Before taking it home (I was around 11 this time) I stopped off the roadway by the arigation canal and got my tires in the tall green grass on the bank. I figured a little burn out in the grass to get my tire spinning would do nicely to clean them off. Gave it some throttle and popped the clutch. Dang if the bike didn't dig right in and launch me right into the canal. Had to walk home and get my dad to help retrieve it. He wasn't dressed for the part but jumped in and retrieved my bike. (Boy was it nice and clean and shinny)

My first car I got back in 1974, 1965 Impala SS, was pretty nice but was too quiet. Parents being gone, I borrowed my dads hacksaw, and proceded to cut the exhaust off right under the floorboard. Went for a short ride and boy was that loud. When I arrived home, my parents were outside. They heard my car coming home but could not conclude what the noise was. They thought an airplane was about to crash land into the house.

[prometheus578]

"Mechanical ex-in-laws."

Yeah, they all fancy themselves that way.
Trying to diagnose their old pick-up truck...
...keeping it running by pouring gasoline directly down the carb throat from a glass jar.
I walked into the garage just in time to see the carb backfire, and witness my soon to be father-in-law throw a glass jar of flaming gasoline against the garage wall.
I should have known better than to get mixed up with that family!

[olebiker]

Yep we lost the garage too when a red hot dropped into the pool of gas that came from the fuel line of the EMPTY tank of the car we were cuttin up. Gotta love how fast a gas fire is.

[thewiz]

My apologies .... let me set the record straight

I have inadvertantly conveyed false info. Duhhhh .... the brewer of Arrogant Bastard Ale is actually Stone Brewing Co . San Marcos Brewery is another wonderful watering hole around the corner from Stone. Excuse me

[thewiz]

"... I should have known better than to get mixed up with that family!"

Ya' know, Prom, divorce is/was (in Scott's Peterson's case) an option. That's what the judge told him anyhow ...

[prometheus578]

"The horror... the horror..."

Yeah, Wiz... but you know, divorce is a scarey thing for some people.
One never knows how the other person will react or whether things will go in your favor.
Peterson was a fool. He should have planted "seeds of doubt" in her mind as to how things could turn out.

I think Col. Kurtz said it best:
"Horror and mortal terror are your friends. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared. ...

My Ex never cared for my "friends"...
That's probably how I ended up with the house, and not having to pay child support.

[ClarkGriswald]

Ok not my own story but bike related. My neighbor once pulled up to a curb and was parking his bike, a good looking girl was walking down the sidewalk.. well he was looking at her probably thinking how he better be cool and what not.. well he gets off the bike.. SLAMMMM..

forgot the kickstand. hehe.. Im sure she was impressed.

Edit:.

Ok heres one from me.. Took the cycle endorsement test (for the millionth time) the other day.. Ive done it lots of times but either sell my bike or it dont work for long or whatever hehe.. so never took the other driver test. (im in michigan). Who knows mabye this one will run long enough to do it hhaha..

But here is the dumbass thing, the guy asks if im familiar with the test or whatever and I say yeah just let me take it ya know.. so I hand it back to em and she checks the answers.. 19 out of 20.. the one I missed is a classic.. be honest with ya I dont know wether to be angry or offended. hehe.


It was something like "when stopped at an intersection, it is best to "..

and the choices were.
A. Put one foot on the ground
B. I cant remember this one
C. Put both feet on the footpegs
D. Put both feet on the ground

Well I chose D. guess what the answer was..

C.

hahahh.. I couldnt belive it although the drones at the secretary of state just stood there with blank faces.. How dare they make me not get 100%

Nice test state of michigan hehehe..

[madmax-im]

Originally posted by randy
I'm told it's available here in Queens. If I can find it, I'll bring some to Torrington!

Well have one for me ...since I will be elsewhere in CT that weekend...

[Toolmaker Tim]

Gas down the carb.....

Hey Prom, your father-in-law was doing it wrong. The proper way is one guy squirting gas down the carb with a windex sprayer while straddling the engine compartment. This is done while driving down the road with the driver looking through the crack between the wipers and the hood! That way the wind blows out the fire or if the fuel pumpie catches fire and falls out, the flames are snuffed out when he rolls down the road.