Any Musicians Here part II

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

Part of being a musician should be a sense of humor: Thus I offer this tidbit:

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide,
" The Drums have stopped, What happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said:
" Bass Solo"

Yep, I'm a bassist.

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

Okay, some more bass jokes

How do you get a Bassist off of your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What do you call a beautiful woman on a Bass Player's Arm?
A tattoo

What's one phrase you'll never hear?
That's the Bass Player's Porsche.

What's the difference between a Bass Player and a Large Pizza?
The Pizza can feed a family of four

Someone get the hook, stop me before I joke again!!!!

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

I'll be here all week (unless the moderators pull the plug), try the veal.

[hamjam]

what do you call a bass player with no girlfriend ..................homeless
65 EB2

[portero72]

what do u call a dude that hangs around with musicians?........drummer
how many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?.....just one-he holds it up and the world revolves around him

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the noise

[xs650mike]

I'm lovin' this...but...

At the risk of highjacking the thread (I'm an expert at that) I'd like to put in a word for bass players and drummers.

Of the musicians I know the bass players seem to be out of work the least. There's just not enough of 'em. (Don't ask me how I know.) My favorite bass player is also an excellent guitar and steel player but usually works as a bass man...I try to use him as much as possible but he usually already has a gig! True also of another friend who plays guitar, steel and keyboards equally well who always winds up on bass at the gig.

Drummers? Of the guitar bands I've been in over the years the drummer is always the one who can actually read music!

Don't play guitar only if you want to work, there is just too much competition...(again DAMHIK). Seems like everybody plays guitar no matter what else they play. Hey that's the ticket, I'm gonna to buy a bass!

Anyway, thanks for the tip Jeep, next time the pizza guy rings my bell I'm gonna ask him if he plays bass!

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

Mike,

Thanks for praising the Bass player. I love my Bass and love being the backbone, just don't ask me to sing and play at the same time. No foul intended by the jokes, I just like 'em!!!

Bass Players are a lot like the drivelines in a bike, we don't get a lot of attention, but we have to be strong and if we don't go, the band don't go far either...

[BLUEJEEPLAB]

Just to keep Mike from hijacking the thread...

How do you keep two saxophonists in tune?

Shoot one

[portero72]

as a drummer, thx for the praise.....but...
how many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 13... one to do it, and 12 to say, 'i can do that faster'.....

[crawlspace2112]

bassists at large

my personal opinion, lead guitar players playing bass sound like a "guitar player" playing a bass. A true bassist has a different approach to tying the melody to the rhythm. most of the time the bassist is the best arranger also. Rickenbaker forever!

how do you know when the singer is at the door? He's lost his key and doesn't know when to come in.

why did god make drummers marginally smarter than circus animals? so they wouldn't poop on the parade route.

[oldschool]

Originally posted by BLUEJEEPLAB
Just to keep Mike from hijacking the thread...

How do you keep two saxophonists in tune?

Shoot one

Now that hurts.

[xs650mike]

Re: bassists at large

Originally posted by crawlspace2112
my personal opinion, lead guitar players playing bass sound like a "guitar player" playing a bass. A true bassist has a different approach to tying the melody to the rhythm. most of the time the bassist is the best arranger also. Rickenbaker forever!...

Right you are, in general guitarists just don't think like bassists, which is why I haven't played bass at all except one time in the distant past when I was asked to fill in for someone. I recently heard a recording of that performance and I wasn't near as bad as I'd thought at the time, probably because I've done a lot of solo fingerpicking stuff so I have some concept where the groove is. A dance band can easily do without a guitar player but there's just no doing without the bass player and drummer locked in tight.

How does a guitar player know when he's loud enough?

............what else?.........

When he can't hear anyone else!

[xj11john]

I guess I need to chime in here since I am also a drummer...

We have had several bass players, but me personally - I have to be able to hear the lead guitar or the music just flops,.. Bass or not, since we play without a bass periodically.
But I agree with a good bass player it just fills in the spaces and if the bass and drums are tight you definetly dont have all those holes in the music, that not having one leaves.

[xs650mike]

If possible I like to have a monitor speaker for the drummer since they're in the back usually and can't hear all that well. Especially like to have him (or her) hear the vocals too since it keeps drummer's orientation in the song and lets me give spoken cues like, "watch it now" = watch for signalled break; let's get it together one time now, here we go" = prearranged rhythmic accent played by whole band; "lets go out together" = last verse; "I said..." = repeat last line or the well known "one more time" = repeat last line one last time.

When I played full time with the same band all the time I didn't need to do this much but I would do it sometimes anyway to make us sound more spontaneous.