Bad Joke Friday...

[Street_Rat78]

We all need to enjoy a good *Groan* every once in a while...

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken surprise."

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."


"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"

[81xsproject]

More laugh, less groan...

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. What's that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You a**hole..it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

[GNEPIG]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNITE!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. sh!t." , cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[kf4anm]

divorce letter

Dear Billy Bob,


As you know, my divorce was final yesterday, and in the divorce settlement she was awarded the double-wide mobile home and my pickup truck.


Can you believe it? I expected her to get the double-wide, but having to give her my truck was just more than I could bear.


I had no choice, so per the court order, I delivered the truck to her before 2:00 PM today. I'm sure gonna miss that truck. Had to get a picture of it before it was gone forever.


If you need to get hold of me, I'll be staying with my folks until I can find me a place.


Take care, Bubba