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  • Back from my emergency absence.

    Hey there folks,

    Long time, no post, etc.! I had a family emergency a little over a month ago that I had to deal with. IF you are really bored and have nothing else to do, you can spend the next 10-30 minutes reading the following story...depending on how fast of a reader you are!

    ************************************************** *******

    Okay, some background information. Some ~4 months ago in late Sept. 2014, during my fall vacation period where I usually visit my Mom in Alabama for a week and then my motorcycle riding adventure that following weekend, I had gone down to visit my Mom, but not just for a visit. She had lived in the same Section 8 type housing/apartments for some 16 years taking care of herself. She had this PITA nosey neighbor across the hall that complained to the management if Mom ever had her TV volume turned up more than a whisper. The neighbor's sons who lived upstairs worked nights, and so required folks to be relatively quiet during the day so that it would not disturb their sleep.
    A year earlier during one of my visits, I had the TV up so that I/we could hear it, and the "BITCH" called the COPS. When they arrived, I answered the door NOT turning down the TV's volume, and while I spoke with the officer, I asked him if he could hear the TV thru the door, and he said NO, and that's when I explained about the nuisance complaints that the neighbor kept making. This got worse along with other events that whole year.

    My mom has developed some "mild" dementia....just regular short term memory loss....no real ALZHEIMER's type stuff at all, but she would forget to eat, and forget to take her medications....she had blood pressure, vertigo, cholesterol, gout, and annoying arthritis from previous back and hip surgeries. Last year I was able to get a cousin Patricia involved in getting mom some home care help, Medicaid, quick microwaveable frozen meals delivered, and she would help organize her meds/pills box and such. She was 86-87 y/o and so I also had Patricia restrict Mom's access to her car for hers and others safety. Patricia also helped organize and managed her bills and income, she used to work at a bank. Mom has 2 sources of income, her SSI(Social Security) of ~$1200 and her small grocery store(Safeway)retirement of ~$300 a month. These are direct deposited into her checking and savings accounts respectively. She also has her burial plans and plot already setup for the family cemetary for when she finally passes along with an burial insurance policy. So....this is why we had tried to keep her in Alabama to be close to the family plot for that final occurence.

    Well, things went south that year both with her neighbor and the landlord/manager to where she couldn't tolerate to live there anymore. Another cousin Cindy had visited Mom during that last year, and had expressed her "concern" about Mom's welfare, that she was a 'retired' nurse (disability), that she had a spare bedroom, and that Mom was her/their last remaining living AUNT of some 6 siblings, and wanted to be able to help care for her in her final years, etc.! I thought that would be great, she lived just a few hundred miles away from the burial plot, so it wouldn't be too cost prohibitive for when she passed, to be able to have her prepared and transported back home from the Orlando, Fla. area to Enterprise, Ala near Dothan. And so this last fall,my visit was essentially helping to get her all packed up, her financial and health matters organized for transfer so that Cindy could then come up and drive the moving truck and Mom's car down to Cindy's place in Orlando, which I did.

    As part of my long distance attempts of managing/monitoring Mom, I had log in access to her bank/credit union accounts that were in Alabama....and I gave those details to Cindy so that she could also handle things locally. Part of what Cindy was supposed to do was to setup both a checking/savings account at a local bank/credit union, and have her direct deposits changed/moved to that new account, along with arranging for changes to her Burial insurance automatic draft payments, her car loan payments, her car insurance payments....etc.. She was supposed to then CLOSE her old account in Alabama. Several weeks later, I tried to access Mom's account in Ala, and could not, and so "Assumed" that it was because the account had been closed. During the next month or so, Mom developed a serious health issue, strangulated intestines, and had to have major surgery and many weeks of rehab afterwards. Prior to that time, I would talk to her on the phone, and she would not sound too coherent, and I thought her dementia was worsening.
    She had mentioned that she had inquired about her finances....she had gone with Cindy in the beginning and signed the papers necessary to establish her checking and savings accounts. But afterwards, Cindy would not show her any bank statements, and would not give her any money....she would take her out shopping, to get her hair and nails done, etc, and would use Mom's Debit card for those purchases. Anyways, after Mom got back to Cindy's house after rehab, I was able to converse with her again, and she sounded much more lucid and alert and credible. She again expressed her concerns about not being shown or told any details about her financial accounts, and asked me to check into it. I then wrote/emailed Cindy and politely asked for Mom's LOGIN information for her new accounts, but Cindy never replied with that information, and when I spoke with Cindy on the phone, she said that Mom was getting worse, acting all paranoid, not taking her meds so she was becoming more physically unstable, fall risk and such.

    Regrettably, Mom is OLD SCHOOL, and can be a bit critical towards folks that don't behave/act in ways that meet her high standards and expectations. This past Friday Night, Cindy took mom over to Cindy's adult daughter's for the evening while Cindy and her husband attended a friends B'day party. Later that evening the daughter called Cindy telling her that Mom was feeling very dizzy, and almost fell 3 times, and so Cindy came back to see about her. Mom made a comment about her daughter having a few glasses of WINE, and seemed to be a little tipsy. Cindy flew off the handle, yelled at Mom calling her a BITCH, and that she did not have the right to say things like that, and that they were tired of her, and that they didn't want her in their home anymore, and said that "I" didn't want her either, and that they were taking her to the Hospital to then get her admitted so that they could then get her put into a nursing home!!!!! This of course highly upset Mom, getting her blood pressure up quite high.....and also come to find out later that Cindy had NOT been ensuring that Mom was getting her meds on a regular timely schedule, and sometimes not at all.....apparently that night being one of them....hence her Vertigo and tripping/almost falling incidents. SO...when they took her to the Hospital, she was admitted with a BP of 210/180 !! And they just LEFT HER THERE that Friday Night. The admitting doctor was able to get ahold of Mom's local PCP, and her BP and other MEDS, and was able to admister them and got her stabilized. That Saturday afternoon(Jan 31) she was able to CALL ME and tell me what had happened to her and what Cindy had told her, and that she had no where to go.....that her admission diagnosis wasn't serious enough to require a skilled facility for the 3 days Medicare needs prior to putting her into a nursing home, and her status was actually changed to Observational, and that she would have to be discharged in 48-to before the 72 hours was up! SO....this was why I had to LEAVE that Sunday driving straight thru all day to get there...not being able to afford a one way flight on such short notice. I rented a car instead, and had another cousin Glenda to meet me at the airport/rental drop off location where I spent the night with her/family. Prior to this, I had spoken with the Case manager at the hospital discussing the possibility of getting some sort of psych eval for Mom as a possible way of being able to have them keep her there for the required 72 hours, etc., but because her status was not serious enough....she was not formally "admitted", and so they had no grounds/reasons to get the psych eval.

    I met with my cousin Cindy that Monday to get Mom's car/keys so that I could have some transportation for the area, and then went to the hospital where Mom was, stopping and meeting with the case manager first, learning of Mom's non-admission status, and that she was essentially waiting for me to arrive so that they could discharge/release her into my care! We left the hospital and got a hotel room that Monday night. I had spoken/met with Cindy earlier when I had gotten the car, and had mentioned that my apparent plans were to just pack her belongings up and bring her back home to Virginia with me, but was going to have to see what Mom's bank account status was to see what we could arrange/afford, ie. a large moving truck for her furniture and stuff, and a full sized towing trailer for her car....being rear wheel drive, it could not just be pulled on a 2 wheeled front carry dolly, but had to be on a full automobile carrier/trailer, both are quite expensive and with poor fuel mileage would also end up costing a few hundred dollars just in fuel costs, not to mention the $600+ it was going to cost for the truck/trailer combo.

    We went to the bank that Tuesday(Feb 3) and reviewed her accounts. This is when I learned the TRUTH about what Cindy had been doing!! Cindy had arranged to set up Mom's Safeway retirement check to be direct deposited into her Savings account. She NEVER setup the SSI direct deposit even though she did establish a checking account. She had full access to her OLD checking account in Alabama where her SSI was direct deposited. She would withdraw almost all of it, leaving only enough to cover her burial policy auto draft. Because "we" had discussed not allowing Mom to drive, she had cancelled her car insurance, and even pocketed the $110 refund check from the insurance company....she then just had Mom's car added to Cindy's insurance coverage....despite the fact that the car was still titled/registered in Mom's name...and her car loan had recently gotten paid off, so Cindy had the TITLE from the Lien company. There was only a couple a hundred dollars in her savings, and only $13.00 in her checking account. Her SSI gets deposited every 3rd of every month. I again contacted Cindy about the pending deposit, but because she still had ALL of mom's stuff, and she had to pay some of her bills that she said were partly due to mom's staying there previously, I had to agree to just receiving about 1/2 of her normal $1200 SSI amount......so that I could still get Mom's things from Cindy's house. I didn't have the luxury of TIME to try to get the Police/protective services involved, as well as a nightly cost of $55.00 for the Hotel. Cindy made the deposit into Mom's account that Tuesday late afternoon.

    SO...with so little funds, renting a truck/trailer was not an option. Mom's car is a 2006 Chrysler 300 with a 2.7 V-6, not a vehicle usually setup for being the TOWING/pulling vehicle.....but we could get a tow hitch installed, but it could only handle a relatively small 5' x 8' covered trailer. I could not get an installation appointment until Wednesday afternoon. Later Tuesday we contacted the SS Adminstration, waited on hold for first 30 minutes....got thru most of the process of transferring her direct deposit, but I didn't have the routing # for my bank account even though I did have the account number memorized! Had to hang up, contact my wife, get the routing #, then waited another 45 minutes to again go thru the process....only to then find out that Mom's name had to be ON THE ACCOUNT that the direct deposit was to be transferred to! But we were able to at least CANCEL the direct deposit to the OLD account, so Cindy could not STEAL any more from Mom! It turns out that even though Cindy was allegedly disabled, she was NOT receiving disability payments, and saw MOM as a way of having a "cash cow" to fund her lifestyle...Mom told me about her sometimes buying several hundred dollars worth of LOTTERY tickets....apparently with MOM's money! During these few days I spent with Mom, I was able to ensure that she got her correct meds, and she was able to behave in a totally coherent fashion, able to walk relatively stable with a cane for someone her age and physical condition....previous broken hip....back surgery....one leg a little shorter than the other, etc.! The more I spoke with her, the more I came to realize how poorly Cindy had mistreated her, essentially psychologically abusing her as well as medically neglecting her....and Cindy calls herself a CHRISTIAN.....she had recently gone back to SMOKING AND DRINKING....since she again had MONEY!!!!

    I also had to contact her previous car insurance company and get her insurance reinstated on her car.....my insurance company informed me that I couldn't ADD her to my coverage since the car/title/registration was in Mom's name!!! I/we changed the login/access information for her current bank accounts. When I had first visited with Cindy, she gave me Mom's purse with her drivers license and debit card, all of her checks, however I didn't learn until after we had left Fla, that Cindy probably also had mom's credit cards!
    Anyways, I bought some boxes and took them over to Cindy's that Wednesday AM before the hitch install appointment, helped box up many of Mom's things that they had conveniently moved into the Garage from her bedroom. I then left for the hitch install, and then came back with the little trailer and was able to pack ALL of what had been left of Mom's things from her first move TO CINDY's....lots of things had been previously poorly packed by Patricia unbeknownst to me, and so got damaged/broken during the first move. However, her queen bed matress was kept by Cindy...Mom had not stated that it was too firm until after the 30 day initial period where it could have been exchanged....but I think Mom had been too afraid to complain about it, and Cindy stated that it cost too much and that Mom didn't like it anyways.....so we don't YET have a bed for her here. ALL of our bedrooms are currently taken up with other residents....my Brother in law, and my sister in law, both who live with US, and all of the bedrooms are UPSTAIRS.....and mom can't negotiate the stairs safely anyways, so we are going to have to make a bedroom out of our formal dining room, with dividers and such, moving the dining table into the breakfast nook area. I also have to get her setup with a bank account ASAP so that we can get her SSI direct deposit established in time (by Feb 19), to recieve her March deposit along with shopping for A BED, and see about running A credit report so that we can get the credit card information so that we can contact them to CANCEL the accounts. We will still need to get her setup with a Doctor locally to be able to get her meds refilled, not sure if we can get her into medicaid....she may make too much $$, and now without a car/house/rent payment she may not qualify for Medicaid!?!? We have had a good long discussion and have agreed that she really doesn't need to be driving anymore, and also doesn't really need to have a car, nor the insurance payments....and so we'll be selling her car to get her some more $$...both to be able to cover the funeral transportation costs back to Alabama when that occurs, as well as just to have some money to enjoy life a little bit more!

    Update: The above was written almost a month ago as an email to send to my coworkers/boss to explain things. We got her dining room/bedroom all setup. Was able to get her meds transferred from the Walmart pharmacy in Fla to here, so have been able to keep her on a steady course of her meds. Found out that Cindy had run mom's credit card up from $312 to over $8,500 in just a couple of months....actually maxed it out!! We were able to get the card reported as stolen from 10-1-14 date, all of the charges as FRAUD. We were able to get the card contact info changed with our current address, and so were surprised to first get a notice that said Cindy had provided a P.O.A. statement signed/dated AFTER Mom was in my custody, giving Cindy account handling permission!? She then made a $300 payment to the account a week later! We notified the credit card company that those documents were probably forged, recinded any permissions that Cindy thought she had gotten. And thanks to her payment via bank, they have her bank account info, name, address, etc., as the person who was responsible for all of the fraudulent charges. Have also put out a FRAUD alert on her SSN/Name so that IF "anyone" tries to open another credit card in her name, it will be denied and we will be notified.

    It took a week to get her Virginia ID card from the DMV, was then able to get her bank/credit union accounts setup, and was able to again wait on hold for 45 minutes before talking to an SSI Admin and got her direct deposit set up in time to recieve her March check! Got her medical insurance/pharmacy insurance changed from Fla. to Va, still waiting for her cards before we can make an appointment with the local doctor.

    Now, have to try to get her car sold before the end of April which is when her Alabama plates run out.

    Anyways, that's what I've been dealing with this past month +, and part of why I haven't been on here, along with just my frustration regarding the site's software being broken so that I can't create/add any new members.

    I just heard back from JP(XS11.com Owner), and hopefully he'll post soon, or he'll tell me to post about an upgrade that will need to be done as part of the process to fix the software!

    T.C.
    T. C. Gresham
    81SH "Godzilla" . . .1179cc super-rat.
    79SF "The Teacher" . . .basket case!
    History shows again and again,
    How nature points out the folly of men!

  • #2
    I'm happy you were able to get a handle on things. It's disgusting that a family member could do this. I'm glad you made it home safely too, that's a hell of a drive. Thank God for people like you.
    Last edited by phatts27; 03-11-2015, 08:48 PM.
    81 xs1100 SH
    81 xs1100 SH (parts)
    80 suzuki gs550et
    07 suzuki S40

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    • #3
      If you or I charged that much fraudulently, we'd be in prison, but these types of people always seem to get off with a slapped hand.

      Oh, and rear-wheel drive cars.. Unbolt the back u-joint, pull the driveline just a bit to the side and wire it up, and tow away on those car dollies.

      I hope your life gets to be less stressful soon.
      Try your hardest to be the kind of person your dog thinks you are.

      You can live to be 100, as long as you give up everything that would make you want to live to be 100!

      Current bikes:
      '06 Suzuki DR650
      *'82 XJ1100 with the 1179 kit. "Mad Maxim"
      '82 XJ1100 Completely stock fixer-upper
      '82 XJ1100 Bagger fixer-upper
      '82 XJ1100 Motor/frame and lots of boxes of parts
      '82 XJ1100 Parts bike
      '81 XS1100 Special
      '81 YZ250
      '80 XS850 Special
      '80 XR100
      *Crashed/Totalled, still own

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      • #4
        Wow T.C., sorry to hear of all the trouble a nut-job caused you and your mom. Glad things are finally settled and easier to deal with. Everyday life can be pretty difficult on its own , with jobs, bills, etc., let alone doing major repair work to straighten out a mean person's wrong- doing. Good luck with it all, and hopefully the next long while is trouble free!
        79 F
        Previously owned: (among others)
        1969 Harley- Davidson Rapido 125 (Aermacchi)
        1967 Suzuki X6 Hustler
        1973 Suzuki TM 125
        1979 XS1100 F
        2005 Kaw. Vulcan VN800
        1991 BMW K75

        Comment


        • #5
          Wow! Gotta love family! Glad you are getting things sorted out and that your mom is now closer so that you can help her out now!

          If you need any help I would be more than willing to help/volunteer my time.
          Nathan
          KD9ARL

          μολὼν λαβέ

          1978 XS1100E
          K&N Filter
          #45 pilot Jet, #137.5 Main Jet
          OEM Exhaust
          ATK Fork Brace
          LED Dash lights
          Ammeter, Oil Pressure, Oil Temp, and Volt Meters

          Green Monster Coils
          SS Brake Lines
          Vision 550 Auto Tensioner

          In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

          Theodore Roosevelt

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          • #6
            Age/family

            It's been my experience that tending to our elderly family members makes us aware of the worst in the systems and people being paid to care for them. In my mothers case it was the "caregivers" who were paid to visit her everyday. The only reason they went was to get money out of her. They were paid to prepare her meals and clean the house etc. but all they did was bring french fries and chicken wings from a fast food place and sit with her , and tell sorry stories of why they needed more money. I took over her finances and arranged for meals on wheels and left an interact card on the fridge with some money in a separate account to tend to her weekly requirements. I did this to capture a record of what things they were getting for her. I spent every weekend with her and showed her finacial statements at the end of each month. The care agency involved was not very happy about the new arrangement at all. It's seems that milking our sick, elderly is the common practise now. Not sure if they split the money or not ,but it would seem that the new moto is,"get as much as you can for as long as you can". Family was not my problem but I've heard of the same issues you experienced from others, on a common basis. It's a shame and I'm glad you were there for her. Good luck TC, and stay possitive.
            mack
            79 XS 1100 SF Special
            HERMES
            original owner
            http://i946.photobucket.com/albums/a...ps6932d5df.jpg

            81 XS 1100 LH MNS
            SPICA
            http://i946.photobucket.com/albums/ad305/mack-055/2.jpg

            78 XS 11E
            IOTA
            https://youtu.be/wB5Jfbp6SUc
            https://youtu.be/RaI3WYHSuWA



            Have recovery trailer and shop if you breakdown in my area.
            Frankford, Ont, Canada
            613-398-6186

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            • #7
              TC...so sorry for all the aggrivation you must have gone through...Greedy people suck...even worse when they're "family"...We had similar issues in my family with one of my Grandmothers...any way I'm glad you were able to get your mom outta there...section 8 housing is the pits...glad to see you back here and now hopefully you'll have some peace of mind knowing your Mom is taken care of properly...
              1980 XS650G Special-Two
              1993 Honda ST1100

              Comment


              • #8
                TC,

                Thanks for sharing that with us. I'm really sorry you and your Mom had to deal with a situation like this.

                It makes my blood boil just thinking about it ...

                But it sounds like you're taking care of everything now, crossing the t's and dotting the i's, making sure Mom is squared away. She's fortunate to have a son like you.

                Glad you both made it home safely ... and it's good to have you back, TC.
                Marco

                Current bikes:
                1979 Yamaha XS Eleven Special (SF)
                1979 Honda CBX
                2002 Kawasaki ZRX1200R

                Rest in Peace, Don Glardon (DGXSER) 1966-2014
                WE MISS YOU, DON

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                • #9
                  I'm at a loss for words. Hoping things get straightened out T.C.
                  "If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." - Albert Einstein

                  "Illegitimi non carborundum"-Joseph W. "Vinegar Joe" Stilwell



                  1980 LG
                  1981 LH

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                  • #10
                    What a story! I can hear your frustration through your words. Glad you have it worked out, but still....
                    Jerry Fields
                    '82 XJ 'Sojourn'
                    '06 Concours
                    My Galleries Page.
                    My Blog Page.
                    "... life is just a honky-tonk show." Cherry Poppin' Daddy Strut

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                    • #11
                      Gotta love you some family......
                      Greg

                      Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

                      ― Albert Einstein

                      80 SG Ol' Okie;79 engine & carbs w/pods, 45 pilots, 140 mains, Custom Mac 4 into 2 exhaust, ACCT,XS850 final drive,110/90/19 front tire,TKat fork brace, XS750 140 MPH speedometer, Vetter IV fairing, aftermarket hard bags and trunk, LG high back seat, XJ rear shocks.

                      The list changes.

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                      • #12
                        Whoah! Just ... just ... whoah! At least you've started to get everything back on track!

                        Site software updates, eh? It looks okay from here -- how's your mom?

                        .
                        -- Scott
                        _____

                        2004 ST1300A: No name... yet
                        1982 XJ1100J: "Baby" SS Brakes, '850 FD, ACCT
                        1980 XS1100G: "Columbo" SS Brakes, '850 FD, ACCT
                        1979 XS1100SF: "Bush" W.I.P.
                        1979 XS1100F: parts
                        2018 Heritage Softail Classic 117 FLHCS SE: "Nanuk" It's DEAD, it's not just resting. It is an EX cycle.

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                        • #13
                          Glad your back, and Mom is on track to keep going! Yeah, sometimes "family" is who we need to watch! Try to relax, have a beer, and go for a ride, if it's warmed up there! (but NOT in that order!)
                          Ray Matteis
                          KE6NHG
                          XS1100 E '78 (winter project)
                          XS1100 SF Bob Jones worked on it!

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                          • #14
                            TC, you have my sympathy... nobody can screw you quite like family. I'm semi-dealing with some of the same problems with my older sister and brother-in-law. Both have Alzheimer's/dementia (my sister is further along) and their son lives on the opposite coast. He's trying, but it's a hard road particularly at long distance. I went through much the same with my mother (minus the family member 'help' thankfully) and it's not easy...

                            Nursing homes can be real nightmares. If you're looking at nursing homes, my advice is to stay away from any chain outfit and look for one locally-owned (be sure to ask). If when you walk in and the place doesn't smell 'right', it's not. Look for friendly staff (and not just the desk staff) and if you can talk to any residents and get their opinion of the place (if staff says no to this, walk away). It can be very tough to move a loved one to another home when you have 'issues' unless you have documented proof. Some states have 'elder care ombudsmen' available, check with one if possible about your choices. Think twice about leaving any valuables or irreplaceable items at a home. There are good ones out there, but you need to look...

                            Good luck!
                            Last edited by crazy steve; 03-12-2015, 01:13 PM.
                            Fast, Cheap, Reliable... Pick any two

                            '78E original owner - resto project
                            '78E ???? owner - Modder project FJ forks, 4-piston calipers F/R, 160/80-16 rear tire
                            '82 XJ rebuild project
                            '80SG restified, red SOLD
                            '79F parts...
                            '81H more parts...

                            Other current bikes:
                            '93 XL1200 Anniversary Sportster 85RWHP
                            '86 XL883/1200 Chopper
                            '82 XL1000 w/1450cc Buell, Baker 6-speed, in-progress project
                            Cage: '13 Mustang GT/CS with a few 'custom' touches
                            Yep, can't leave nuthin' alone...

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                            • #15
                              My sympathies TC

                              This sure is a way to crimp your style but the good thing is your mom is now away from the clutches of Cindy.

                              As I stated in our email about the SOFACA, Cindy needs a visit from the authorities for an education about fraud and theft with some vacation time at the graybar inn.

                              Welcome back, it's almost riding season!
                              79 SF & 80 LG MNS
                              73 & 74 RD 350's
                              73 Honda CL 450
                              Graveyard - '81 XS850 Special

                              All of my bikes are projects, maybe one day I'll have them running.

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