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Saw this on another site and thought it was funny....
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Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach and how much grease is on your hands.
Law of Gravity - Any nut, bolt or screw when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
Law of Distance - If you throw a wrench in anger while working on your bike, the distance traveled is directly proportional to how quickly you will need it in five minutes.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). While splitting lanes the probability of a ‘Wide Load’ is directly proportional to how late you are.
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. The importance of the call increases dramatically if allowed to go to voice mail.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a part of your bike won't work, IT WILL!!! (This is particularly provable; ask anyone who has been to the service dept)
Law of the Theater & Stadium - At any event, those people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If you are the only one in a locker room, the person in the adjacent locker will come in naked and try to engage you in a conversation.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. This one particularly applies to political and religious arguments. Ignorance always trumps knowledge and the phrase “I read it on the internet” will be used several times.
Women's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they will be A: Not your style or color or B: Ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! The stupidity of a statement is directly proportional to the importance of who is listening and how much alcohol you have drank.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you'll feel better, but if you don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. (I’m sure there’s a computer corollary to this one. Perhaps a variant of the Law of the Result above.)
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Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Bio-Mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach and how much grease is on your hands.
Law of Gravity - Any nut, bolt or screw when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
Law of Distance - If you throw a wrench in anger while working on your bike, the distance traveled is directly proportional to how quickly you will need it in five minutes.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). While splitting lanes the probability of a ‘Wide Load’ is directly proportional to how late you are.
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. The importance of the call increases dramatically if allowed to go to voice mail.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a part of your bike won't work, IT WILL!!! (This is particularly provable; ask anyone who has been to the service dept)
Law of the Theater & Stadium - At any event, those people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If you are the only one in a locker room, the person in the adjacent locker will come in naked and try to engage you in a conversation.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. This one particularly applies to political and religious arguments. Ignorance always trumps knowledge and the phrase “I read it on the internet” will be used several times.
Women's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they will be A: Not your style or color or B: Ugly.
Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! The stupidity of a statement is directly proportional to the importance of who is listening and how much alcohol you have drank.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you'll feel better, but if you don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. (I’m sure there’s a computer corollary to this one. Perhaps a variant of the Law of the Result above.)