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I know this should be in the JOTD post but I thought it would be on everyone's mind...
Snow Shoveler Diary
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and
covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment
.My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The
snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my arse on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like h__l. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gad I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. G__damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see
about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in
March I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it
done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white s____ fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to p__. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again. I was
too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the
rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ass___e is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the sob who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his b___s. I know he hides around the
corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street
at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for the g__damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @x@!x!x1 s___t
tonight.Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother .
9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Snow Shoveler Diary
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching
the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had.
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and
covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment
.My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The
snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly
get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my arse on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like h__l. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Gad I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. G__damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see
about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in
March I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it
done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white s____ fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to p__. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again. I was
too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the
rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the ass___e is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I
think she's lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the sob who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his b___s. I know he hides around the
corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street
at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight
the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents,
but I was busy watching for the g__damn snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the @x@!x!x1 s___t
tonight.Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the
snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's
an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother .
9" predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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