aaaaahhhhh the ol lady..........

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  • mxmikie
    XStremely XSive
    • Aug 2008
    • 482
    • Bouse az

    #1

    aaaaahhhhh the ol lady..........

    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

    FOR EXAMPLE

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

    Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that b**** knows I'm smarter than her.
    Last edited by 81xsproject; 01-15-2010, 07:32 AM.
    careful what you wish for.........you might get it
  • madmax-im
    Master of XSology
    • Sep 2007
    • 6751
    • Southern Comfort...Wendell NC

    #2
    I predict this relationship is headed for the dumpster
    1980 XS650G Special-Two
    1993 Honda ST1100

    Comment

    • tarzan
      XS-XJ Guru
      • Apr 2008
      • 1700
      • Chandler,Az.

      #3
      I got that story in an email a while back,Pretty funny stuff.
      80 SG XS1100
      14 Victory Cross Country

      Comment

      • XSokieSPECIAL
        XS-XJ Guru
        • Jun 2009
        • 1631
        • Tulsa, OK

        #4
        I could have written that f**king story

        Comment

        • hamjam
          XS-XJ Guru
          • Jul 2002
          • 1003
          • Toronto ontario Canada

          #5
          if you will note, there was no f**king in the story, nor is there likely to be any ever
          Seamus Ó hUrmholtaigh
          Niimi Moozhwaagan

          NOTICE: No trees were destroyed in the sending of this message. We do concede, however, that a significant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.

          Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.


          Member of "FOXS-11" (Former Owner of XS-11)
          and SOXS
          2008 Nomad "Deja Buick'

          Comment

          • XSokieSPECIAL
            XS-XJ Guru
            • Jun 2009
            • 1631
            • Tulsa, OK

            #6
            F**cking exactly!

            Comment

            • kirmit77
              XStremely XSive
              • Mar 2009
              • 464
              • Kingwood, TX

              #7
              after a bad day, that just made my week! that was some funny stuff
              Austin Ingalls

              MIDNIGHT FURY
              1979 XS1100 Special [Full Restore Project]
              XJ maxim rear air shocks
              KERKER 4-into-1 exhaust
              Pod Filters

              Money pit.......
              BLACKED OUT

              Comment

              • XJOK2PLAY
                XS-XJ Guru
                • Jan 2009
                • 2099
                • Skiatook, Ok.

                #8
                MXMikie...

                While I sincerely hope this is not a true saga from your personal archives...
                I'm still laughing my head off... that was hilarious!

                Thanks for sharing...
                '82 XJ1100J Maxim (has been sold.)

                '79 F "Time Machine"... oh yeah, Baby.... (Sold back to Maximan)

                2011 Kaw Concours 14 ABS

                In the warden's words from Cool Hand Luke;
                "What we have here is a failure to communicate."

                Comment

                • mxmikie
                  XStremely XSive
                  • Aug 2008
                  • 482
                  • Bouse az

                  #9
                  and then ........Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

                  They got up, unplugged the television, and threw out my wine. They are SO on my sxxx list!
                  careful what you wish for.........you might get it

                  Comment

                  • Spider
                    XSive
                    • Aug 2009
                    • 92
                    • Upstate, NY

                    #10
                    Originally posted by mxmikie
                    and then ........Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

                    They got up, unplugged the television, and threw out my wine. They are SO on my sxxx list!
                    LMFAO. Y'all gonna have to work on your communication.
                    1978 XS1100
                    "Of all the adversaries I have faced, I was the worst."

                    Comment

                    • XSokieSPECIAL
                      XS-XJ Guru
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 1631
                      • Tulsa, OK

                      #11
                      What the **** do you mean work on my ***damned ****ing communication haven't you heard **** I've ****ing said?

                      Comment

                      • XJOK2PLAY
                        XS-XJ Guru
                        • Jan 2009
                        • 2099
                        • Skiatook, Ok.

                        #12
                        Originally posted by XSokieSPECIAL
                        What the **** do you mean work on my ***damned ****ing communication haven't you heard **** I've ****ing said?
                        Ya know, Greg...
                        Me thinks I'm beginning to see a reason you wound up divorced at present...

                        (Same reason I probably am as well, I guess...)

                        We both gotta work on our communication skills a bit...

                        Although, I will say... Webster's got nothin' on you... your flamboint use of the English language never ceases to amaze me....
                        '82 XJ1100J Maxim (has been sold.)

                        '79 F "Time Machine"... oh yeah, Baby.... (Sold back to Maximan)

                        2011 Kaw Concours 14 ABS

                        In the warden's words from Cool Hand Luke;
                        "What we have here is a failure to communicate."

                        Comment

                        • XSokieSPECIAL
                          XS-XJ Guru
                          • Jun 2009
                          • 1631
                          • Tulsa, OK

                          #13
                          Originally posted by XJOK2PLAY
                          Ya know, Greg...
                          Me thinks I'm beginning to see a reason you wound up divorced at present...

                          (Same reason I probably am as well, I guess...)

                          We both gotta work on our communication skills a bit...

                          Although, I will say... Webster's got nothin' on you... your flamboint use of the English language never ceases to amaze me....
                          OH ****! Did I ****ing say that out loud?

                          Comment

                          • Spider
                            XSive
                            • Aug 2009
                            • 92
                            • Upstate, NY

                            #14
                            Originally posted by XSokieSPECIAL
                            What the **** do you mean work on my ***damned ****ing communication haven't you heard **** I've ****ing said?
                            Que?

                            All this talk of ex's, current issues with mine, and lack of communication-not to mention several malt grain beverages- reminds me of a really bad joke.




                            What do you tell a chick with two black eyes?






                            Nothing, you already told her twice. :P
                            1978 XS1100
                            "Of all the adversaries I have faced, I was the worst."

                            Comment

                            • tarzan
                              XS-XJ Guru
                              • Apr 2008
                              • 1700
                              • Chandler,Az.

                              #15
                              Nothing, she already been spoken to twice.
                              80 SG XS1100
                              14 Victory Cross Country

                              Comment

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