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Yeah, yeah, yeah...
"We've all known that for years!"
Not that kind of help.
I have a legitimate non-mental health problem here.
"Help... I can't turn my TV off!"
Now, I know to some of you, this may not seem to be as much of a problem as if I had said, "Help, I can't turn my TV on", but for me it's quite troublesome.
Sure, I only have basic cable...
Sure, I often debate cancelling the whole thing anyway, except that I know, just as soon as I cancel, there will be a world-wide calamity and I wouldn't be able to tune-in and find the location of the nearest refugee center. (Plus, I secretly revel in watching the misery of others, as you well know, so I begrudgingly pay my cable bill just to laugh at the misfortune of the masses)
Anyway.. I can't turn the damned thing off!
As you also well know, I'm a frugal and misery bastard. Some people would actually call me cheap, but I prefer the terms frugal and miserly, because I do cross word puzzles and actually know word meanings and stuff like that.
But it was this very frugal-ness that now brings my downfall.
This TV was on sale at the PX. It was rather big(by my modest standards)and seemed a good deal at the time.
"Why was it so inexpensive?", you ask.
Because some boob at the store broke off and lost the on/off button.
Now, being a deep, rational thinker, like most of us XS owners are, I reasoned thusly: When was the last time anyone ever pried their fat carcass out of the couch, waddled across the living room and pressed a little button to turn off the "Brain Drain"?
Didn't God make "remotes" for that?
Yes he did... and purchase the TV I did. (based upon my faith in the Almighty)
The TV(and the remote) have served me well for many years. Many's the time that I have sat glued in front of it during my lunch hour, eating my Ramon Noodles and watching Maury's "Who Be The Baby Daddy" Marathons... but no more.
My remote has died... and not in a good way, either.
Yes, I know the first aid routine... Take out the batteries, turn them and try again, but this life saving measure failed me.
Even new AA's failed me.
What taunts me so, and keeps me from having nice dreams at night, is that the remote isn't completely dead... just playing possum, (though it doesn't have pointy teeth and look like it's smiling, like a possum on the shoulder of the road playing possum or actually playing squashed and dead).
I can raise and lower the volume at will... I can even press that little button on the top/right to turn on my DVD player to watch Porn DVD's, but I can't change the channel nor turn the TV off.
To some, this might not seem so bad, but I'm stuck here on channel 22, and depending on the hour, it's either the shopping network of a bevy of TV evangelists, and as those Jehovah's Witnesses who came to my door early Saturday morning last found out, I'm not particularly fond of letting preachy people into my abode, be it through the door or through coaxial cable. (I don't like them on my porch much, either) They thought they were being smart... the parents would stand on the sidewalk and send their little girl up to ring my bell. (And ring my bell she did!)
I invited her in, but told the parents that they'd have to wait outside and I'd return her in about an hour. They only send men to my house now. I feel much more free and at ease swearing at men than I do cussin' and foamin' at women and children.
Anyway.. where was I?
Oh yeah,
"Help, I can't turn my TV off!"
Yes, I've had the thing apart. You knew I would.
Circuit board, IR Led, and a rubber mat with buttons.
Here's what I know so far...
The area of the on'off button on the circuit board isn't pressure sensitive. I've pressed it with various fingers and nothing happened.
Ok, maybe that squiggle of printed circuit needs to be shorted by metal of some sort, So I tried the "ol' butter knife trick" to no avail.
I next layed the rubber button mat back over the circuit, pointed in the direction of the TV and pressed the button.
"Blink"... and then the little shrinking circle of light that I had prayed for the last few days appeared.
So, what I want to know is.... why, when I press a little piece of black greasy rubber button onto a squiggly circuit the TV turns off, but not when I press my greasy thumb, or short it with equally greasy kitchen utensiles?
So, I'm sorry if I've misled you electrical genius'.
Yes, I can turn my TV off and yes, I can even now change the channels but I really don't want to have my remote torn apart to be able to do this. One of these day, the dogs will discover the black rubber button mat sitting unguarded on the coffee table and then where will I be?
So, can anyone tell me just how these things work?
And don't write and tell me to just buy a new remote.
Remember, I'm a cheap... I mean, frugal and miserly old cuss.
(If this is how my New Year is starting... we're all in trouble!)
"We've all known that for years!"
Not that kind of help.
I have a legitimate non-mental health problem here.
"Help... I can't turn my TV off!"
Now, I know to some of you, this may not seem to be as much of a problem as if I had said, "Help, I can't turn my TV on", but for me it's quite troublesome.
Sure, I only have basic cable...
Sure, I often debate cancelling the whole thing anyway, except that I know, just as soon as I cancel, there will be a world-wide calamity and I wouldn't be able to tune-in and find the location of the nearest refugee center. (Plus, I secretly revel in watching the misery of others, as you well know, so I begrudgingly pay my cable bill just to laugh at the misfortune of the masses)
Anyway.. I can't turn the damned thing off!
As you also well know, I'm a frugal and misery bastard. Some people would actually call me cheap, but I prefer the terms frugal and miserly, because I do cross word puzzles and actually know word meanings and stuff like that.
But it was this very frugal-ness that now brings my downfall.
This TV was on sale at the PX. It was rather big(by my modest standards)and seemed a good deal at the time.
"Why was it so inexpensive?", you ask.
Because some boob at the store broke off and lost the on/off button.
Now, being a deep, rational thinker, like most of us XS owners are, I reasoned thusly: When was the last time anyone ever pried their fat carcass out of the couch, waddled across the living room and pressed a little button to turn off the "Brain Drain"?
Didn't God make "remotes" for that?
Yes he did... and purchase the TV I did. (based upon my faith in the Almighty)
The TV(and the remote) have served me well for many years. Many's the time that I have sat glued in front of it during my lunch hour, eating my Ramon Noodles and watching Maury's "Who Be The Baby Daddy" Marathons... but no more.
My remote has died... and not in a good way, either.
Yes, I know the first aid routine... Take out the batteries, turn them and try again, but this life saving measure failed me.
Even new AA's failed me.
What taunts me so, and keeps me from having nice dreams at night, is that the remote isn't completely dead... just playing possum, (though it doesn't have pointy teeth and look like it's smiling, like a possum on the shoulder of the road playing possum or actually playing squashed and dead).
I can raise and lower the volume at will... I can even press that little button on the top/right to turn on my DVD player to watch Porn DVD's, but I can't change the channel nor turn the TV off.
To some, this might not seem so bad, but I'm stuck here on channel 22, and depending on the hour, it's either the shopping network of a bevy of TV evangelists, and as those Jehovah's Witnesses who came to my door early Saturday morning last found out, I'm not particularly fond of letting preachy people into my abode, be it through the door or through coaxial cable. (I don't like them on my porch much, either) They thought they were being smart... the parents would stand on the sidewalk and send their little girl up to ring my bell. (And ring my bell she did!)
I invited her in, but told the parents that they'd have to wait outside and I'd return her in about an hour. They only send men to my house now. I feel much more free and at ease swearing at men than I do cussin' and foamin' at women and children.
Anyway.. where was I?
Oh yeah,
"Help, I can't turn my TV off!"
Yes, I've had the thing apart. You knew I would.
Circuit board, IR Led, and a rubber mat with buttons.
Here's what I know so far...
The area of the on'off button on the circuit board isn't pressure sensitive. I've pressed it with various fingers and nothing happened.
Ok, maybe that squiggle of printed circuit needs to be shorted by metal of some sort, So I tried the "ol' butter knife trick" to no avail.
I next layed the rubber button mat back over the circuit, pointed in the direction of the TV and pressed the button.
"Blink"... and then the little shrinking circle of light that I had prayed for the last few days appeared.
So, what I want to know is.... why, when I press a little piece of black greasy rubber button onto a squiggly circuit the TV turns off, but not when I press my greasy thumb, or short it with equally greasy kitchen utensiles?
So, I'm sorry if I've misled you electrical genius'.
Yes, I can turn my TV off and yes, I can even now change the channels but I really don't want to have my remote torn apart to be able to do this. One of these day, the dogs will discover the black rubber button mat sitting unguarded on the coffee table and then where will I be?
So, can anyone tell me just how these things work?
And don't write and tell me to just buy a new remote.
Remember, I'm a cheap... I mean, frugal and miserly old cuss.
(If this is how my New Year is starting... we're all in trouble!)
if that doesn't work put the T.V. on ebay.....JAT
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