Out the door and down the road.

[webbcraft2150]

While it is still 7-8 months away, I got some distressing news today. Kinda a double edge sword, and I am sure its not exclusive to me. My youngest (17) daughter has been accepted to college, 2 of 'em. Texass A&M and Colorado State. She is set on CSU. While I am justifiably proud she has been accepted by these fine schools (top 2% of her class), the idea of her being 1000 miles away vs a couple of hours has actually generated major concern for me. My biggest concern is for the SWMBO, she is already developing a high speed wobble over the whole thing. My first instinct was to go see if her car has enough antifreeze and is there is a block heater available. (Its a guy thing I guess). Me, I will just hold it it in like we all do, but I can see some real issues coming up quick as the "date" looms closer. She (the SWMBO, Renee) is very attached to this little girl (as I am, but guys don't show it) and I forsee an impending trainwreck of emotions I cannot fix with a carbstick or a can of Seafoam. Jessica, (little miss honor student, multiple scholastic awards, scholarship winning and I can smoke you on the Sunday crossword puzzle smartass) has a head on her shoulders tighter than a set on cylinders on a '79 Special barnbaby. I have no doubt she will accomplish what she has set out to do. My support of both of them is unconditional, but I know I hafta let Jessie do her thing, spread her wings and fly like we all have done, but I have enough insight to know that her Mom is gonna go down like a submarine with a screendoor. Help me out here guys (and gals), tell how you did it. I know our relationship is strong as we have been thru some very, VERY tough times and we have survived, but this one is gonna be tough, real tough, for both of us.
Or, on a lighter note, lets talk about what oil to use.

[webbcraft2150]

This was by no means an emotional plea for help. I will blame the topic on spammers, telemarketers, computer viruses, Prom, Hari Krishnia tamborine bangers, the Watchtower, Prom, magazine salesguys, junkmail, (did I mention Prom?), ok, lemme drag Trbig in the mess, Skippy (cause he is close to A&M), my Mom 'cause she would not let me play with fire in the house, Homeland Security, and the older than dirt security guy at Walmart that had to go thru all my bags. Oh yeah, lets not forget the "Check Engine" light that came on in the cage. I'm goin over the edge, just like Thelma and Louise, or was it Bo and Luke?

[wa407mpp]

I hate to say this but it will never be easy to let them go and you will miss them every day. My youngest left home 12 years ago and my son has been gone even longer, but we have gotten used to it and so will you,just look forward to the times you do get to have them home again.

[BrianB]

I felt I was in your shoes 7 months ago. My son graduated and then off to boot camp and into the Army where he is gaining skills to become a Chief Mechanic on a Black Hawk. I was wanting to hang onto every moment in the short weeks prior but when it came to that day, It was very emotional and tough for everyone in the family. First few weeks you spend wondering what their doing and if their safe. Projects go on hold, and my hobby of flying RC planes has not been the same.

Just 7 short months later and knowing he will be gone for 8 more years total, and having phone conversations and mail to keep up with his daily activities and skills learned, I am quite proud of him and have realized this was what he wanted, makes him happy, and will better him thru life, I have totally accepted this and the family is doing well.

I might add my wife is over 1000 miles from her mother and father. They keep in touch on an almost daily phone call and share everything going on with each other. She has been gone from them for 12 years.

I know things can be tough but if you look, their is always a bright side. It may take you a while to see it.

[Poprock]

Skype helps. You can see'em and talk to 'em free anywhere in the world. My daughter is on her way back from Romania. We visited with her every day. You can't control, you don't want to limit. But you can support, encourage, and gently guide. After a semester or two she'll be so glad to talk to you or to see you you'll be amazed.

[prometheus578]

"Sure... blame me for the world's misfortunes."

You need to do what I did.
My youngest, (19) spends most of his time over at his mother's place.
Now, this is not like a daughter running off to college, but the remedy is similar.
What you need to do is....
"Take over the child's room!"
It is now "My Room".
Has my desk in it... my stereo... my books...
And three computers hooked together... so when my other son's friends come over to visit and raid my 'fridge, I get to slap them around playing war games, etc.
(There's nothing as funny as a retired infantryman showing these young upstarts how the game is really played.)

Ahhh.. but Webbcraft's problem concerns his wife.
Remedy:
Turn the (now) spare bedroom into her "Arts and Crafts Center", or her "sewing room", etc.
This gives her something to do... and someplace to go so that you don't have to look at her moping around the house and crying all day.
Something to think about.

On a serious note, it's nice to see a concerned father and husband; a rarity in today's society.
Things will work out, adjustments will be made, and all will soon be hunky-dory once again.

[trbig]

The problem with all of this is a guys' want/need to FIX things. MOST of the time, a woman venting is just that, and she just wants you to be there for the moral support. Of course there's other times that she actually is hinting that she WANTS you to do something besides sit there and listen... but somehow we are supposed to figure all this out with our dim-whitted man brains.

I hate to say it, but this isn't something that you'll be able to FIX. It's just going to take time to get past the empty nest syndrome.

What I would suggest though, is to take advantage of the situation with her to show her that there can be good things about your daughter being gone. Fire the romance back up. Start having date nights and you may laugh, but do the things you did before there were kids. Sex all over the house, with the bedroom door open, snuggle up with blankets nekkid on the couch and watch a chick flick with her. You just need to show her that things will be fine when it's back to just you two again.

I wouldn't go claiming her room just yet. College has lots of breaks... my son is home for a little over 2 months right now before spring semester. She'll still need a place to go recharge and relaxe. Heck... you do a good enough job, your wife may look forward to her leaving for school again! lol.

Good luck. Thanks for dragging me into this by the way!

Tod

[skippy344]

Yeah, how'd I get roped into this? JK

I have sons, so I don't know how it is with girls...

Moms have to find a way to transition from "Mommy" to "Mom." Its really hard for a mother when her kids no longer need her as they did when they were younger. They will always need their Mother, but the role will change a little.

As time passes, and you start to see her successes away from home and the sadness will change to proudness. You will know you did the right things and taught the right lessons.

The sadness and emptiness will change to happiness once again.

And wait to the grand kids come along! Boy that will change the sadness and emptiness! Having a grand daughter has been extremely wonder for my SWMBO. (Truth to tell, the grand kid makes me happy too )


Hey, you both will get more riding time in now!

Tell me this sweet little girl wouldn't warm your heart...



greg

[Incubus]

No daughters. Can't relate to that. But both of my sons moved out simultaneously in August to head off to their first college apartment. They think I don't know what goes on there. They don't believe I was ever young. They've never seen my rap sheet.

It was very different at first. I couldn't just yell for somebody to come and lift the engine off of my leg. I can holler to SWMBO, but all she does is explain how stupid it was to let the engine fall on my leg in the first place.

The house seemed very empty at first. Very quiet. But you get used to it. And there are benefits. I can always find my tools now. I never have to argue about what plays on the big screen TV. Food bills dropped. Electrical demand is way down with the removal of four computers, a microwave, a refrigerator and several lights that for at least 18 years had never been off.

None of that matters. I'm very close to both sons and I miss having them around. It doesn't matter if she goes 100 miles or 1,000 miles, WC. You will see her about as often. Her life is just beginning and distractions are everywhere. Remember how it was when you were in college? Try not to.

I know this isn't terribly helpful, but this is what all us parents spend decades working toward. You raise them, teach them as best you can, then turn them loose and hope you did a good job.

Life is a series of transitions. You might not see it right now, but this is a good one.

Patrick

[trbig]

Hey Greg...

I didn't realize you guys were grandparents? So I guess that explains the pacemaker wires coming out of SWMBO's shirt?


Tod

P.S. You guys must really spoil that kid if you got her a shirt that says ATM on it!! lol... ('Cause no one could REALLY be a Texas fan could they??)

[Incubus]

That isn't Texas, Tod. They're Aggies....

[Wildkat]

Nevermind trbig...

he lives in Oklahoma... you have to speak very s-l-o-w-l-y to him sometimes...



I worry TONS about the girls getting to this age... Geez! I'm worried TONS about the girls at the age they're at now... I've had some rather eye-opening revelations as of late...


I think it comes with the "parent" tag... You worry about every stage of their life for different reasons... but in the end... all you can do is pray that you prepared them the best you can... They do the rest... but it sure sounds like your daughter has a great start...


Hey greg... she is SOOO cute! Which finger does she wear you on?