Colonoscopy humor

[Targetman]

#8 and #11 are ones I might use. lol

Colonoscopy humor: A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies.

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do
the Hokey Pokey...."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is
not, in fact, up there?"

[Wildkat]

This End Up

#13 is a hoot!
I'm surprised nobody has made any wisecracks...

[prometheus578]

I'd comment... but am afraid I'd become the Butt of Wildkat's jokes.
why she is as she is, I don't know. I certainly wasn't reared that way.
but, we all must turn the other cheek once in a while, I suppose.

[mro]

I certainly wasn't reared that way

Hey P rom,
think she may just be farting around?

mro
back in the 70's went to a costume party with SWMBO. She worked for a doctor then and borrowed some gear for me. I went to party as a Gynaecologist , much better than a Proctologist


mro

[Wildkat]

Wisecracks from a smart***

guy...
(ahhhh... you thought I was going to say something else... didn't you?)


I would never make you the butt of my jokes... because I know everything comes back to get a person in the end...

Although, one never knows... I may have posterior, I mean... ulterior motives...

~bwa-ha... ummm... he he he~

[Wildkat]

Hey! I don't f-a-r-t

I went to party as a Gynaecologist

I have to ask... did your wife go as your patient? What an interesting conversation THAT would have started...

[tommystinson]

Oh yeah, it's all a big @#$%ing joke! When I had mine, I teased my wife that I wanted a nurse that I saw in the hospital to ass-ist. Good looking redhead, naughty librarian type in my twisted world-view. As it happened, she WAS on the colonoscopy crew. Well, I can't say that I was too keen on an attractive woman helping with the whole thing. It would have been easier with a dumpy old-maid type for a nurse! The drugs you get pretty much obliterate any memory function though, so no lasting psychological trauma.
On a serious note: My Mom had colon cancer at 39. She's fine, but had six inches of her colon removed. That's why I had my exam at 32. Even if there is no family history, get it done by 40. Don't be weird, don't be pigheaded, or hung-up about getting a probe in your rear end. It just might save your life. Tommy

[TopCatGr58]

Public Service Announcement #2

Hey Tom,

Good advice. I had mine at 45, 5 years BEFORE the national recommended age of 50. My mother had colon cancer and surgery, but at a later age, and my father also had intestinal small bowel cancer. They found 3 polyps in me, one was very nasty looking but not precancerous as per the pathology report.

I had a second one a year later, they found a very small "bump", removed it anyways, and then deferred me for 3 years, it's this SPRING....YIPEE!!

So.....alright people, stick it up your arse, the colonoscope that is!
T.C.

[prometheus578]

Nothing irks me more than when a good post with lots of potential for mirth and mocking turns serious.
Even I won't desecrate hallowed medical grounds.
Butt, gentlemen...don't forget the perenial perineum phavorite: the prostate exam.
Ahhh... it's great to get old.
Tommy Stinson brings up a good point and sage advice.
T.C.'s advice, as usual, is also "cor-rectum"

I know most of us sit around work all day with our thumbs up our arse... but this is not a valid medical exam.
And don't forget about checking your 'lesterol, either.

[mro]

Hey! I don't f-a-r-t

Please note that a fart is 75% "art"
__________

I know most of us sit around work all day with our thumbs up our arse... but this is not a valid medical exam.

Butt, gentlemen...don't forget the perenial perineum phavorite: the Promstate exam.

mro

[prometheus578]

Please note that a fart is 75% "art"

would that be in the catagory of music... or dance.
More music, I suppose, orchestral seating would put it with the "wind instruments". (Dance... well... we've all had our little surprises.)

[Wildkat]

Well.. if you put it THAT way...

More music, I suppose, orchestral seating would put it with the "wind instruments".

I guess I do... playing flute kinda put me in that category...
but I like to think of it as an abbreviation for F(ine)-art...
in which case, mro's use of "f(ine)arting around" would be accurate.

[mro]

would that be in the catagory of music... or dance.

Don't leave out the olfactory system!!!
F(ine)-art has sooo many levels............

F(ine)-art de Odour
Kinda like cooking with gas


mro

[Dark Horse]

You Guys CRACK me up!

But no laughing matter my first one is coming up in December!

[Czekus21]

I went to the doctor when I hit 40. Got to that point and chickened out.. Told her I'd be back in about five years. My wife was there. Mabee next time I'll leave her home..Then I can get a phone number.... Ahhhh,,, Wait a minute... That's my wifes doctor... mabee I'll get another doctor..... Gonna have to make up my mind pretty soon..... Mabee a few drinks,,,,Movie,,,, dinner,,, Mabee I need to hit "Guru" status first,, Take a ride around the country and think about it. Ya,,, That's the ticket....